XVII — RESOLUTE DETERMINATION

Presence of God. — O Lord, make me persevering in prayer, despite the difficulties I may encounter.

Meditation

1 — St. Teresa teaches that whoever wants to give himself fruitfully to prayer “must make a firm and energetic resolution never to stop” on the way. That is, one must give oneself to prayer not only for a period, but always, every day, all one’s life, without letting oneself be diverted for any reason. “Come what may, happen what may happen, let who wishes murmur, let one labor as much as needed, even at the cost of dying halfway..., let one always strive toward the goal” (Way 21, 2). And the goal, let us remember, is the living water promised by Jesus to those who are sincerely thirsty for his love.

Without a strong and resolute decision, too often the soul will find more or less plausible reasons for leaving prayer. On one side, aridity that comes and returns may lead one to think that for it, making an exercise from which it seems to draw no fruit is wasted time, and that it is therefore better to occupy its time in works. Nor will it be difficult that the many occupations with which it often finds itself overloaded make this feeling seem more legitimate to it. Even the sense of its misery - above all in case of infidelity to grace - will make it think itself unworthy of divine intimacy and that therefore perseverance is useless. But it is clear that all these pretexts are suggestions of the enemy who, now under the appearance of zeal for external works, now under that of false humility or loss of time, does all he can to turn souls away from prayer. “No temptation,” declares the Saint, “is more harmful” than this, and by means of it “great is the harm the devil does us” (cf. Life 7, 11; 8, 7). And therefore she insists: “whoever has begun to pray must never give it up, despite the sins into which he may happen to fall. With prayer he will soon rise again, but without it that will be very difficult. And let him not be tempted by the devil to leave it under pretext of humility” (Life 8, 5).

2 — Even if the soul has fallen into aridity through its own fault, let it not leave prayer, but persevere despite the violence it must do to itself and the keen repugnances it must overcome. “If it perseveres, despite temptations, sins, and every sort of relapse into which the devil hurls it, I hold for certain,” says St. Teresa, “that the Lord will at last lead it to the harbor of salvation” (Life 8, 4). Let it accept the torment of having to spend prayer time in complete aridity and, moreover, with the pain of feeling itself so unlike and so unworthy of God, in whose presence it stands; let it accept the reproaches of conscience for its infidelities and offer everything to the Lord in expiation for faults committed and to obtain the grace to amend itself. Let it not weary of repeating with sincere heart the prayer of the publican: “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner!” (Lk. 18, 13), and God, who so loves whoever humbly acknowledges his own misery, will not fail to come to his aid. But one must know how to wait patiently for the hour established by Him. St. Teresa of Jesus spent about eighteen years in such aridity, so that “many days,” she says herself, “I do not know what severe penance I would not gladly have undergone rather than recollect myself and pray. So violent was the force the devil used to draw me away from prayer that to overcome him I had to summon all my energies.” But in the end the Lord came and helped her Himself (cf. Life 8, 7): this was the reward of her fidelity.

For this reason the Saint has all the authority derived from experience to insist that prayer must never, for any reason, be abandoned, and she recommends this with great energy: “Always go forward, fight bravely, even die in the struggle, for in the end this is the only reason we are here” (Way 20, 2).

To prayer too one can apply Jesus’ word: “the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent bear it away” (Mt. 11, 12).

Colloquy

“O Lord, I know it: for love to be true and friendship lasting, equality of condition must reign between the two friends. And I also know that You can have no defect, whereas my nature is vicious, sensual, and ungrateful... Yet, though You are so different from me, I still have the audacity to converse with You in prayer, which is precisely intimate commerce of friendship.

“O infinite Goodness of my God! This marked disparity, oh! I truly feel it: I see who You are and at the same time I see who I am. When I feel You thus different from me, O delight of Angels, I would consume myself entirely in loving You! How true it is that You endure those who endure being with You! Truly, O my Lord, You deal with them as a good friend: You inundate them with your gifts, You bear with them and, closing one eye to their condition, You wait patiently until they somehow come to make themselves like You. You take into account every brief instant they spend loving You, and for one moment of repentance You forget all the offenses they have committed against You.

“All this I know by my personal experience, and I do not understand how the world, O my Creator, does not seek to run wholly to your feet and weave with You this particular friendship. If they drew near to You, they would become good, O Lord, even the wicked. In that case they would have to remain in your company only a little time each day, even though their spirit might be agitated by a thousand worldly concerns and thoughts, as mine was. It is true, they must make an effort to remain with You, but You take account of everything and know very well that, especially at the beginning, and sometimes also afterward, they can do nothing but what they do. In recompense, however, You constrain demons not to tempt them, You weaken day by day the dominion they exercise over them, conferring on them strength to conquer. No, O Life of all lives, You do not give death to any of those who trust in You and take You as their friend” (cf. T.J. Life 8, 5 and 6).

O Lord, grant then also to me the holy audacity to persevere always in prayer, despite interior and exterior difficulties, despite aridities, powerlessnesses, despite my failures to correspond to your grace. You will provide remedy for all my ills.