Consideration V - THE UNCERTAINTY OF THE HOUR OF DEATH

"Estote parati, quia qua hora non putatis, Filius hominis veniet" (Luke 12:40).

Point I

It is certain that we all must die, but uncertain when. "Nothing is more certain than death," says the Idiota, "but nothing more uncertain than the hour of death." My brother, the year, the month, the day, the hour, and the moment in which you and I must leave this earth and enter eternity are already determined; but this time is unknown to us. The Lord, so that we may always be found prepared, now tells us that death will come like a thief in the night and in secret: "Sicut fur in nocte, ita veniet" (1 Thess. 5:2); now tells us to be watchful, because when we least imagine it, He will come to judge us: "Qua hora non putatis, Filius hominis veniet." St. Gregory says that God, for our good, hides from us the hour of death so that we may always be found prepared: "De morte incerti sumus, ut ad mortem semper parati inveniamur." Since then death can take our life at any time and in any place, if we wish to die well and be saved, we must (says St. Bernard) at all times and in all places be expecting it: "Mors ubique te exspectat; tu ubique eam exspectabis."

Everyone knows that he must die, but the evil is that many view death as so far off that they lose sight of it. Even the most decrepit old people and those in the worst health still flatter themselves that they will live for another three or four years. But on the other hand, I say, how many do we know even in our own day who have died suddenly! — some sitting down, some walking, some sleeping in their beds! It is certain that none of them believed they were going to die so unexpectedly and on the day they died. I say further that of all who this year have passed to the other life, dying in their beds, not one imagined that he was to end his days this year. Few are the deaths that do not turn out to be unexpected.

Therefore, my Christian, when the devil tempts you to sin by telling you that tomorrow you will go to confession, answer him: And what do I know if today is the last day of my life? If this hour, this moment, in which I turn my back on God, were the last for me, so that there would be no more time for me to make amends — what would become of me for eternity? How many poor sinners has it happened to that at the very moment they were feeding on some poisoned bait, they were seized by death and sent to hell? "Sicut pisces capiuntur hamo, sic capiuntur homines in tempore malo" (Sirach 9:12). The evil time is precisely that in which the sinner is actually offending God. The devil says that this misfortune will not befall you; but you should say: And if it does befall me, what will become of me for all eternity?

Affections and Prayers

Lord, the place where I ought to be at this hour is not this in which I now find myself, but hell, which I have so many times deserved by my sins: "Infernus domus mea est." But St. Peter warns me: "Deus patienter agit propter vos, nolens aliquos perire, sed omnes ad poenitentiam reverti" (2 Pet. 3:6). So You have had such patience with me and have waited for me, because You do not wish to see me lost, but wish me to return to penance. Yes, my God, I return to You; I throw myself at Your feet and ask You for mercy. "Miserere mei Deus, secundum magnam misericordiam tuam." Lord, to pardon me, You need a great and extraordinary mercy, because I have offended You with full knowledge. Other sinners have also offended You, but they did not have the light that You have given to me. Yet despite all this, You also command me to repent of my sins and to hope for pardon from You. Yes, my dear Redeemer, I repent with all my heart of having offended You, and I hope for pardon through the merits of Your Passion. You, my Jesus, though innocent, willed to die as a criminal on a cross and to shed all Your blood to wash away my sins. "O sanguis innocentis, lava culpas poenitentis."

O Eternal Father, pardon me for the love of Jesus Christ; hear His prayers, for He is now praying for me, acting as my advocate. But pardon is not enough for me, O God worthy of infinite love; I wish also for the grace to love You. I love You, O supreme Good, and from this day forward I offer You my body, my soul, my will, my freedom. From this day forward I wish to avoid not only grave offenses against You, but even the slightest ones. I wish to flee every evil occasion. "Ne nos inducas in tentationem." Deliver me, for the love of Jesus Christ, from those occasions in which I would offend You. "Sed libera nos a malo." Deliver me from sin, and then punish me as You will. I accept all the illnesses, pains, and losses You wish to send me; it is enough that I do not lose Your grace and Your love. "Petite, et accipietis." You promise to give whatever is asked of You: "Petite et accipietis." I ask You for these two graces: holy perseverance and the grace to love You.

O Mary, Mother of mercy, pray for me; in you I trust.

Point II

The Lord does not wish to see us lost, and therefore He does not cease to warn us to change our lives with the threat of punishment. "Nisi conversi fueritis, gladium suum vibrabit" (Ps. 7:13). See, He says elsewhere, how many, because they would not make an end of it, when they least imagined it and were living in peace, secure of having many years to live, suddenly had death come upon them: "Cum dixerint pax, et securitas, tunc repentinus eis superveniet interitus." In another place He says: "Nisi poenitentiam egeritis, omnes similiter peribitis." Why so many warnings of punishment before sending it, if not because He wishes us to amend, and so avoid a bad death? "He who says 'watch out' does not wish to strike you," says St. Augustine: "Non vult ferire, qui clamat tibi: Observa."

It is necessary, then, to prepare one's accounts before the day of reckoning arrives. My Christian, if before nightfall this day you had to die, and the case of your eternal life had to be decided, tell me — would you find your accounts prepared? Or how much would you pay to obtain from God another year, a month, at least another day of time? And why then, now that God gives you this time, do you not set your conscience in order? Perhaps this day cannot be the last for you? "Non tardes converti ad Dominum, et non differas de die in diem; subito enim veniet ira illius, et in tempore vindictae disperdet te" (Sirach 5:9). To save yourself, my brother, you must leave sin; if then you must leave it one day, why not leave it now? "Si aliquando, cur non modo?" (St. Augustine). Are you perhaps waiting for death to arrive? But the time of death is not a time of pardon, but of vengeance. "In tempore vindictae disperdet te."

If someone owes you a large sum, you are quick to secure yourself by having a written bond made, saying: Who knows what may happen? And why then do you not use the same caution for your soul, which matters far more than that sum? Why do you not say the same thing: Who knows what may happen? If you lose that sum, you do not lose everything; and even if by losing it you were to lose your entire estate, you would still have hope of recovering it; but if at death you lose your soul, then you will truly have lost everything, and there will be no more hope of recovery. You are so diligent in noting down the records of the goods you possess, for fear they might be lost in case of a sudden death; and if by chance this sudden death overtakes you and finds you in the disgrace of God, what will become of your soul for all eternity?

Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Redeemer, You have shed all Your blood, You have given Your life to save my soul, and I have lost it so many times, trusting in Your mercy. So many times I have made use of Your goodness — for what? To offend You all the more? For this very reason I deserved that You should strike me dead at once and send me to hell. In short, I have vied with You: You in showing me mercy, I in offending You; You in pursuing me, I in fleeing from You; You in giving me time to remedy the evil done, and I in using it to add injuries upon injuries. Lord, make me understand the great wrong I have done You and the obligation I have to love You.

Ah, my Jesus, how could I be so dear to You, that You pursued me so when I was driving You away? How could You bestow so many graces on one who has given You so many displeasures? From all this I see how greatly You desire not to see me lost. I repent with all my heart of having offended You, O infinite Goodness. Ah, receive this ungrateful sheep, who penitent returns to Your feet; receive it and press it upon Your shoulders, so that it may flee from You no more. No, I wish no longer to flee from You; I wish to love You, I wish to be Yours; and provided I see myself Yours, I am content with every suffering. And what greater suffering can befall me than to live without Your grace, separated from You, who are my God, who created me and died for me? O accursed sins, what have you done? You have made me displease my Savior, who has loved me so much.

Ah, my Jesus, as You died for me, so ought I to die for You — You from love, and I from sorrow at having despised You. I accept death, however and whenever it pleases You; but until now I have not loved You, or have loved You too little; I do not wish to die in this state. Ah, grant me a little more life, so that I may love You before I die; therefore change my heart, wound it, inflame it with Your holy love. Do this for that affection of charity that made You die for me. I love You with all my soul. My soul has fallen in love with You. Do not permit it ever to lose You again. Give me holy perseverance, give me Your love.

Most Holy Mary, my refuge and my Mother, be my advocate.

Point III

"Estote parati." The Lord does not say that we should prepare ourselves when death arrives, but that we should be found already prepared. When death comes, then in that tempest and confusion it will be nearly impossible to set in order an entangled conscience. So says reason. So God threatens, saying that then He will come not to pardon, but to avenge the contempt shown to His graces. "Mihi vindicta, et ego retribuam in tempore" (Rom. 12:19). A just punishment, says St. Augustine, will this be for him who, when he could, would not save himself — that he will not be able to when he wills it: "Iusta poena est, ut qui recta facere cum posset noluit, amittat posse cum velit" (De lib. arb., bk. 3). But someone will say: Who knows? Perhaps even then I may be converted and saved. But would you throw yourself into a well saying: Who knows? Perhaps by throwing myself in I shall remain alive and not die? O God, what is this? How sin blinds the mind and makes men lose even their reason! Men, when it is a question of the body, speak like wise men; when it is a question of the soul, they speak like fools.

My brother, who knows if this moment in which you read is the last warning God sends you? Let us quickly prepare ourselves for death, lest it catch us off guard. St. Augustine says that the Lord hides from us the last day of our life, so that on all days we may be prepared to die: "Latet ultimus dies, ut observentur omnes dies." St. Paul warns us that we must attend to our salvation not only with fear, but also with trembling: "Cum metu et tremore vestram salutem operamini" (Phil. 2:12). St. Antoninus relates that a certain King of Sicily, to make a private citizen understand the fear with which he sat upon his throne, had him sit at table with a sword hanging by a slender thread over his head, so that the man, sitting in that state, could scarcely take a morsel of food. We all find ourselves in the same danger, since at every moment the sword of death may fall upon us, and on it depends our eternal salvation.

It is a question of eternity. "Si ceciderit lignum ad austrum, aut ad aquilonem, in quocunque loco ceciderit, ibi erit" (Eccl. 11:3). If, when death comes, we are found in the grace of God — oh, what joy it will be for the soul, which can then say: I have secured everything; I can no longer lose God; I shall be happy forever! But if death finds the soul in sin, what despair it will be to say: "Ergo erravimus." So then, I have erred, and for my error there will be no remedy for all eternity? This fear made the Venerable Father John of Avila, apostle of Spain, say when the news of death was brought to him: "Oh, if only I had a little more time to prepare myself to die!" This made Abbot Agathon say, even though he was dying after so many years of penance: "What will become of me! The judgments of God — who knows them!" St. Arsenius also trembled at death, and when asked by his disciples why he feared so: "My children," he replied, "this fear is nothing new to me; I have had it always, throughout my whole life." Above all, holy Job trembled, saying: "Quid faciam, cum surrexerit ad iudicandum Deus? et cum quaesierit, quid respondebo illi?"

Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, where have I ever had one who loved me more than You? And whom have I ever despised and injured more than You? O blood, O wounds of Jesus, you are my hope. Eternal Father, do not look at my sins; look at the wounds of Jesus Christ; look at Your beloved Son, who dies of sorrow for me and asks You to pardon me. I repent, O my Creator, of having offended You; I am sorrier for it than for any other evil. You created me so that I might love You, and I have lived as if You had created me to offend You. For the love of Jesus Christ, pardon me and give me the grace to love You.

Before, I resisted Your will; now I wish to resist no longer; I wish to do all that You command me. You command me to detest the outrages I have done You: behold, I detest them with all my heart. You command me to resolve never to offend You again: behold, I resolve to lose my life a thousand times rather than Your grace. You command me to love You with all my heart: yes, with all my heart I love You, and I wish to love nothing else but You. You are to be from this day forward my only beloved and my only love. I ask You and I hope from You for holy perseverance. For the love of Jesus Christ, grant that I may be faithful to You, and that I may always say to You with St. Bonaventure: "Unus est dilectus meus, unus amicus meus." No, I do not wish my life to serve me any longer to displease You; I wish it to serve me only to weep over the displeasures I have caused You, and to love You.

Mary, my Mother, you pray for all who commend themselves to you; pray to Jesus for me also.