Letter 27. To an afflicted lady
He teaches her how to find peace, and true repose which is no where but in God. And of the great care, wherewith she was to provide that the forbearance which she used of her exercises of spirit in her sickness, might not proceed from tepidity.
THE best comfort in those afflictions which come upon us against our will, is, not to have committed any fault; which might occasion their coming. For a conscience which stands right, will easily bear any weight which you can lay upon it, but to a conscience which is impure, any little burden is intolerable. If men knew as well how to seek the means of true repose, as they know how to desire the thing, they should enjoy it, and not remain with the sole desire thereof. It is the express law of God, that they who have desires of any other thing then him, shall be subject to torment, whether the thing be obtained or not obtained. For supposing the thing be had which they desired, yet can they not completely enjoy it, through the remorse which their conscience brings, and if it can not be had, they are racked by the delay of the thing desired.
The pure desire of God, is very contrary to this.
For if David say, Let the hart rejoice, which goes but even in search of God, what kind of thing will it be to find him out? If the hunger of seeking give them joy, what will the being satisfied, at that table, do? He therefore who desires to find peace, and true repose, must resolve to forgo his own appetites, & must boldly and faithfully lodge himself in the will of our Lord; and so he shall neither be tumbled up and down in the dark, nor be afflicted otherwise, by the arrival of strange events.1
But who will now procure that the sons of men may attend to that, which God exacts at their hands? How long will you be heavy hearted, and love vanity, and seek after lies? who shall unbeguile such men, and free them from their blindness as go seeking peace and find war, yea and by the same way wherein they seek it, they lose it. Let the whole world understand once for all, that as there is no more than one God, so is there no more than one true repose. And as, without the true God, there is no God; so out of his repose, there is no repose. Certainly the mountains were liars, and so was the multitudes of the valleys, and only in our Lord God there is true salvation. This say they, who after they are well wearied upon the experience of their own vain desires, arrive to know at length, both what God is, and what he is to them who seek him.2
Madam, we have not in our house a bit of bread, which we may give our friend to eat, who is coming from abroad unless we go borrow it of our neighbour, who is God made man, and one who withal is so near us; as that he is our head, and both our father and our brother. He who will lift his eyes up to him, and depend upon his hand; he who will be a beggar at his gate; he who will be in desire of him and grow even faint through hunger after him, shall be refreshed by the abundance of him, which doth as fare exceed the satisfaction which creatures give, as God himself exceeds them. But out of God, let no man presume to have any hunger. For as S. Augustine saith where soever flesh and blood shall expect to finle a sulenes amongst the creatures, it will find itself deceived. So that a man may understand by experience what difference there is between the Creator and the creatures, and so being untied from them, (since in them he found not what he sought,) he may go at last with an entire hart to him; who alone is able to impart more to the soul, than it is able to receive. Your ladyship must not therefore be carried away, by that great error which yet is embraced by many great ones of this world, who are mightily affected to their own will, and who abound with particular appetites, and who think belike, that they are to abound as much more than others, in desire of things, as they are here of more eminent rank & state; but for my part I see not what they gather from hence, but greater torments. For after the rate of the desire, is the pain. And as S. Bernard saith, Let our proper will cease, and there will no more be any hell. And so we may say, let this proper will cease, and there will not be in the world, either any sin or any sorrow. For that which comes to us, is not, in itself, the thing which gives us pain, but the coming of it, when we would not have it come. And therefore doth God require our hearts of us, that so he may free them from many miseries, and may give us in exchange, his own, which is peaceable, reposed and joyful in tribulation. And a gross fool is he, who had rather live in his own straitness, then in the latitude of Almighty God; and who had rather dye in himself, then live, in life. And if at any time, or in any thing, we have committed this sin, and have enlarged the raynes to our own desires, let us humble ourselves before the father of mercies, acknowledging our sins, and hoping for pardon at his hands, and taking that pain which grew upon us, by the inordinateness of our appetite, towards the discounting and discharging of our fault. For by this means, God is wont to take away our sins like one who should take the boughs or branches of a tree, and setting them first on fire, should apply them afterwards, to the tree itself, and so burn it up, by the roots.
Much better it is for a sinner, that he should grow into ●aine by occasion of his sin, then into peace and rest. For as S. Augustine faith, there is not a more woeful thing then the temporal felicity of a sinner. And as for us let us learn hereafter, to give all our desires to God. And as a stone falls downward, and as fire flies upward, and as every thing in sine, makes towards his proper place; so let our hearts fly at full speed, towards the centre thereof, which is God.
Who would not be amazed, to behold a great rocky Mountain hanging lose in the air, without falling down to his proper place; and who will not wonder to see a hart which was created to repose, and rest in God, detain itself, in the air, and less than air? Therefore whether it be that we cannot take true rest in any other then in God, or because this Lord of ours, deserves, of himself, all our love, (since he is the loadstone to which all spirits look) let us not fall hereafter, into such a folly, as that whereof I spoke, let us not spot our honour, let us not commit such a treason against such a lord, as that hereafter, any other desire may enter into our hearts, but of him, or for the love of him. And so will the sad clouds of these unprositable hart-breaking melancholies, and these both vain hopes & vain fears fly from these hearts of ours, & in their place a new morning will rise, which will give us joy.. For to see the light of heaué, is the cause of joy, but the blind man cannot discern it.
For this did Tobias say, what joy cann I have in this life, since I cannot see the light of heaven. It is a great truth, that no man who is not indeed unbeguiled concerning this world, can have any true joy of hart, for though he thinks he sees, yet indeed it is but a sight of earth, and not a light of heaven. But after this other sight a man grows cured at the very root.3
It will be fit that your ladyship do not think, to make the like exercises of mind, in the way of spirit as before, now that you are subject to an unlike disposition of body. And many have ignorantly afflicted themselves, for not having been able to weigh, what their strength and state would permit. It is clear that with this condition of body wherein you are, you must not think of keeping the same method which you held before; nor doth our lord ask any such things at your hands, since his will is very wise, and tempered also with great mercy, and demands nothing of us, but that, for which he gives us means; And not only he will not reap where he doth not sow, but even when he sows, he is content to reap less, than he hath sowed. Your ladyship must not be discóforted for that which you are not able to perform, for you might as well put yourself to pain, because you have no wings where with to fly. Do not place the joy of your hart upon having consolation, or upon making Prayer, but upon the accomplishment of the will of our Lord. And since his pleasure is, that the time which before you spent in praying shall now be spent in vomiting, let it be so in the name of God; and let his contentment be ours, and let us more esteem that he be pleased, than we would to possess heaven and earth. And if we be troubled with any scruple, that such or such a punishment came to us for our having committed such, or such a sin, and that God chastises us now for the thing which we inordinately desired before; in that case, what have we more to do then to cast ourselves at his feet, desiring both correction and pardon. And our lord will either give them both, or else the pardon, without the correction, but never the correction, without the pardon, if the fault be not our own. We must therefore take any tribulation, as an earnest penny, or introduction to peace; and provided that there may be peace between God & us, let any thing come which he will send.
One only thing we have to fear in this case, which is least we should slubber over our negligences, under this occasion and pretence, of, I can do no more. We must here look upon ourselves with many eyes; for this EVE, which life's within us, is so desirous to be cherished, and regaled, and to be walking up and down the garden, and to be eating of the forbidden fruit, that she wants not a thousand inventiòs to make reason believe, that she demands not any thing of superfluity, but of mere necessity, and she is in a mighty chafe if they believe her not. Madam there is need here of two things; The one that when we clearly see, that we are able in such cases, to perform our spiritual exercises, we must not omit them, by any means. Be not faint in labouring for the love of our lord, since true love knows not, what it is to be remiss, & as you are to be compassionate, & pious to wards your beloved, so are you to be severe, and nothing delicate towards yourself. Your ladyship shall do well to call to mind, what heroical acts the love of Christ our lord hath wrought in this world, in those hearts where it hath dwelled. It hath made them endure prisons, torments, dishonours, and that with much joy, whilst the great worth of the beloved hath been placed before the eyes of the lover. And since it hath wrought so great effects in others, let it not be so weak in your ladyship, as that it cannot enable you to pass through a little affliction, for the pleasing of so high a Lord; by whom you shall be so much the better accepted, as you shall come to him with more affliction. Yet so, as that our Lord is not desirous of our pain, but only of our love, but yet it is still true withal, that the truth of love is hardly known, but in somewhat which puts us to pain.
For the friend who stands fast in time of tribulation, he is the true friend indeed. And though God do well know, what we are, without making any particular experiment, yet he love's to try us, that we may know it too; that so we may have comfort in finding ourselves faithful to him, in point of love; and so may live in hope, that we shall go to enjoy our beloved for Patience breeds Hope, Rom. as S. Paul saith.4
So that this must be your method, till you have perfect health, that when you are free from your vomitts & pains, you may exercise your mind in spiritual things; and at those times you must also beseech our Lord, to give you light to know, when it is the flattery of flesh and blood, and when it is Just necessity, which hinders you. For he who uses the knowledge well which he hath, shall obtain light, for that which he knows not. But as for others, with what face can they ask new light, since it may be answered them thus, why desirest thou to know further, what my will and pleasure is, since in that which thou knowest already, thou complyest not. And when you are in any ease, though it be not much, let your mind also be in some exercise of spiritual things though it be not much, nor with much attention, but only recording your desires, and presenting yourself before our Lord. And by this, and withal by not letting your hart sink (for even the very life of the soul consists in that) your ladyship shall pass on, until that God provide otherwise.
The woman of Samaria asked where she was to pray, John. 4. and our Lord answered her, that it was every where to be done, and that in spirit. And so is the christian to do, who in all his works, is to pray to our Lord, not in the mountain or in the temple alone, but in eating, drinking and sleeping, in health and in sickness, referring all to God, and joying in all things because he receives them from that holy hand.
Your ladyship is to have great care, that you straighten not the goodness of God, since he is immense. Do not think that you are to seek him, and to find him but only in such an express place, or determinate work. He is every where, and you are with him, and if you seek him every where, you shall every where be sure to find him. I rejoiced (saith the wise man) in all things, because this wisdom went before me. And so doth he also rejoice, who in all things behoulds God, performing that which he commands, and ever keeping the hart in attention towards him, and from the contrary flows sadness, and disgust, and dejection of mind, which is a thing to be avoided, with much diligence. For (as it is written), There is no profit in such sadness. Nay it brings much hurt both to our body & to our soul, and to our neighbour. Whereas joy, and comfort give strength, and perseverance makes our spiritual enemies grow sad, it cherishes the spirit of God, which dwells in such as are his servants, For his spirit in cheerful.56
Besides this, your ladyship shall do well, to receive the Body of our Lord, now and then, And since the lodging which he takes up, is in the hart, you are not to be in pain, for that your body is no better. And though there may be some impediment, why we cannot labour, yet there can be none, why we may not love. So much the more must we love our Lord, because he is both omnipotent, and very desirous to give strength to that hart which seeks to love him, for this tends to the accomplishment of that very thing, which he likes best of all others both in heaven and earth, and that is Love.. Wherewith I desire that your ladyship may so abound on earth, that you may deserve to be lodged neerè our Lord in heaven. Amen.
Footnotes
Chapter 11 of 57