Letter 37. To a person
He teaches the difference, between self-love, & the love of God; and how he is to do all things, for the love of God, and nothing in conformity with self-love.
THE peace of our lord Jesus Christ remain with you. The root of all our misery, is self-love; as on the other side, the love of God, is the root of all our felicity; and so, as that he who love's God, meets with nothing, which he can properly be said to suffer; (because he seeks nothing but the will of God, and therein alone doth he delight) so he who love's himself, finds all things to be to hard, and to heavy, for him, and he is ever tormented, with the variety, and trouble of accidents. True repose doth not consist in any thing, but in desiring little for the love of God, or rather no one thing: and to content himself, with any thing for his sake: to whom we offer, and present, as much, as we forbear to desire, for the love of him. And if God will vouchsafe, to open our eyes, that so, with David we may consider the wonderful things of his law, we shall find, that not only there is danger hanging over us, through this self leave, in those things which are plainly and grossly visible, and exterior: but more, and much more, even in those other things, wherein, many think: that true sanctity doth consist. And if you ask me, what those things are, I say that they are no other, than virtues; the peace of soul; the kingdom of heaven; yea and even our lord himself. And thus you may see, how great our danger is; since there is danger, even in that, which is security, and how great the mischief is of proper, and inordinate love; since the sting thereof, thrusts itself, into such holy things. Not that it is able to make them ill, (for that it cannot do) but in regard that by causing us to desire good things, as our own last end, and for love of ourselves, we make ourselves ill; since we invert that order, which the love of God prescribes; which is, to love that, which is good, and ourselves withal, for the service of God, and for his love, and all this in the same manner, and with the same measure, which is best pleasing to his, Divine Majesty.1
The love of God doth not consist (whatsoever we will needs be saying) in the desire of much virtue, Noah nor even of God himself, if it be inordinately done, and with excess of affliction, as we are wont to desire other things. For if I be moved for the love of God, to desire any thing, my main desire, to have that thing, must be to have it, if God will; and how, and when, and to what proportion he will, and not to be greedy of it for my own good, but to the end, that the will of God may be accomplished though his pleasure were, that my soul should remain without virtue, and that I should never enter into heaven. I say though his pleasure should be so, for indeed it is not. But, at the least, our will must so be lodged, in the will of God; as that it may be prepared, to will any thing, which God would have us will, without any manner of exception. For if our own self-love be alive in us, that mischief is so much the worse, and more inward, by how much the better the thing is, which we desire. For, in these things, as seeming to be very safe, a man is wont to extend his appetite as fare as he lists. And whilst we say, that we desire the love of God, we are full of self-love which makes us desire him, for the love of ourselves, without any rule or measure; whereas, it ought to be, just the contrary.
I remember some Doctors tell me, that Lucifer was the first, who committed this sin; and how the thing which he desired, was good namely felicity, but that he desired it not how, nor when, nor in whom, nor for whom, it was fit that he should have desired it, but with an unbridled appetite, which aimed at his own private good, as any covetous wretch, might desire much pelf, or any ambitious man much honour. Certainly, if the ends and roots of our desiring one and the same thing be different, the thing itself which is materialy desired, falls out after a sort not to be the same. But rather (as I said before) the better the thing itself is, the more dangerous is the inordinate desire thereof. For there is nothing worse, then for a man to desire any thing, as his own last end, for the love of himself This last end is that sovereign God of Goods, which is God, who ought to be the aim, and end of all our desires. And now, if any should say (by not understanding well, what I affirm) that I seem to teach, that we must not be fervent, in desiring to become more, and more virtuous; but that we must as well leave all to God, which belong to the soul, as that which concerns the body: my answer is. That as in these exterior things, we must be diligent, but not afflict ourselves with excess of care, and anguish, but must put ourselves wholly, into the hands of God, and take with patience whatsoever comes: so in those things, which import the soul, we must be sure, to be more diligent: but yet with condition, that if notwithstanding our diligence, we cannot have all we would, we must not suffer ourselves to grow impatient. For that would be a worse fault, than the former, which gave us so much trouble. But we must conform ourselves wholly, to the will of God; to whom humility, and patience in the midst of our frailties, is more pleasing, than a proud devotion, and complacence, in the strength which we conceane ourselves to have.
And if we cannot obtain at the hands of God, that we may live without faults: yet let us render him most humble thankes, for having given us the knowledge of them. For was perhaps any other thing, the perdition of that proud Pharisee, but the contentment, which he took, in his own good works? And did any thing save the Publican, but the knowledge which he had, of his ill deeds; and the displeasure which he conceived against himself for them, desiring mercy of our Lord? It is not the case of every one, to conserve humility, in the midst of great virtues; but there be very few, who are not disgusted with their own faults. And therefore, though the former of these two ways, be higher: yet the later is safer. All which is dispensed by our God, who is of sovereign wisdom, and who guides us by several ways, to the same end, which is himself. And though we be never so covetous, me thinks this aught to stay our stomach with a sufficiency of comfort; that we may hope to go to heaven: whether it be, the height, and perfection of virtue, as some go: or by the knowledge of what we want, and doing penance for the same, as many others do.2
But notwithstanding all this, we must not forbear to imitate the best we see: since our Lord hath given us a desire thereof: and since an account is to be demanded of us, if we do it not. We must therefore desire, to be better, (so that yet withal we lose not our inward peace) though we obtain not all we desire. For otherwise, I do not think that ever there was a man, in the world (leaving him only aside, whom every body knows) who desired not to be better, than he was; but yet this did not take their peace from them, because they desired nothing out of any particular appetite, which never confesses that it hath enough; but only for the love of God, with whoes distribution, and portion, they would be well content, though he gave them less; esteeming that to be true love, which contents itself with what he gives; more than to desire to have much; though self-love tell us, that we desire it, but for the service of Almighty God.
And for my part I believe, that there is no peace to be had in this world, but by patience. Nor do I think; that it is true patience, when a man is content to bear, with his neighbours; if withal, he be not content to bear with himself. Not to the end, that he must fail to punish, and to mend his faults; but that his hart may not be dejected, and he unreasonably afflicted; and that whatsoever happen, he may be able to keep himself content, both within, and without; but so that yet withal (as I was saying) he still do his diligences, to mend himself. Which yet if he should not wholly do, it is better that he be sorry for it, and that instantly he rise up, with new alacrity; which uses to increase, and double our strength; then that, whilst conceives himself to lament his faults, for the love of God, he should indeed displease the same God, by serving him with a sour kind of hart, and with fallen wings, and such other branches as use to rise from this root. Let the Conclusion be that, which S. Paul delivers. Let us frequent prayer, in all things, giving thanks to God, and so we shall be sure to do well? Our Lord Jesus be with you, and with us all. Amen.3
Footnotes
Chapter 15 of 57