Letter 42. To one who hesitated to begin serving God
He animates her greatly to confide in God. He teaches her how to love certain persons who had offended her, and he gives remedies both against scruples, and vain glory.
I do much rejoice, at the holy desires which you have to please our lord, but I am in pain to consider your pusillanimity, in executing the same. For I hold it to be a strange ill thing, that one should presume to remain in the vanity of this life, and not presume to adventure upon the making of a new match with God, confiding in the same God. For what man was there ever, since there were such things in the world as men, who hoping in God, and procuring to live according to his comaundments, was forsaken by him? whoe ever invoked him, with an entire, and persevering hart, and was not heard by him? Nay he goes seeking us, and inciting us to serve him. What possibility therefore is there, but that since he is good, and true of his word, he must come forth to meet, and cast his arms a bout our necks, an do us favour, when we make towards him. He will, infallibly he will, and that incomparably more completely, as S. Paul affirms, than we know how to think.1
Begin you servant of God, cast yourself upon him, and confide, that he who gave you the desire, will give you strength to work, & courage to make an end. For he calls not upon such as sleep to wake them, but to the end that he may do them many favours, when they are awake. Begin with diligence, and fervour, yea and with a kind of strife; for there is not a worse thing than a faint beginner, who still takes much care to regale himself, & to content the world. Shut your eyes, against both humane praises, & dispraises, for you shall quickly see both the praiser, and the praised, turned in to dust, and ashes, and him also who is honoured, and dishonoured. An we shall all be presented, before the tribunal of our lord, where the mouth of wickedness shall be stopped, and virtue shall be highly exalted. In the mean time lay you fast hold on the Cross, & follow him who was dishonoured, and lost his life upon it for you. And hide yourself in those wounds, that when our lord comes for you, he may find you there; and may beautify you with his graces, and may give himself to you as your reward, for having left all things, and yourself with them for his sake.
But o how little doth he leave, who even leaves all! since he leaves but that which he must quickly leave whether he will or Noah, yea and even the enjoying it, is a great misery; since all that which is not God, is but weight, and sorrow to the soul. God only, is sufficient for you open therefore your hart, and enjoy him, you shall find him more sweet, & much more full of love, than you could have thought.
Sometimes I wonder within myself, to think how one either doth or can wish ill to another, since Christ our lord is in the midst between them both. How can he be disgusted with the body, who love's or aught to love the head? do you not know that when our lord rose from death to life, & appeared to his disciples, he placed himself in the midst of them, and not at the head or else where. And this upon what reason, but to make us understand that he is in the midst of us, and that we cannot do, yea or even desire to hurt any body, but that first it must pass through him. He who love's not his neighbour, love's not Christ our lord, and as for him who love's not Christ our lord it were better for such a one not to have been borne, since he arrives not to know for what he was created, which was to love our lord.2
Conceive that your neighbours are a certain thing which merely concerns Christ our lord, that they are his Images, and the creatures for which he gave his blood. And therefore say, How shall I wish ill to him, whom my lord love's? How shall I be able to desire death to him, to whom my lord will give life. My lord died for those persons, and would yet again return to dye for them, if it were needful; and shall I then fail to love that man, who is so much b●loued by him? what doth it import me, if they do me ill offices, for I love them not for what they are, nor for any thing which they do to me; I love them for Christ's sake; and what then have their ill deeds to do, towards the making me take that love from them, which I carried to them, for Christ's sake. I beseech God they may be great in his presence & that they may enjoy him, and he them that so there may be more temples, wherein my lord may dwell, more souls which may praise and serve him, and more hearts which may love him, for he deserves them all. And whensoever you see them say. O lord do thou possess those souls, and let them be only thine. O lord let them enjoy thee, for thou hast a mind to communicate thyself to all. O lord they are so many Images of thee, make them like to thee more and more, & both to them & me, & to all give pardon, grace, & glory. If your tongue will not say this, yet let your spirit say it, and lift up your hart to our lord, demanding succour of him and saying. O lord for thy love and not for theirs, and by little and little, you shall find yourself in peace. And if there chance to be any war, be not overcome therein, and do not say, or do any thing which may be against their good, and consent not to any thing in your hart which be of disadvantage to them.
The scruples concerning your confessions, are a temptation wherewith the devil torment's you, & deprives you of the sweetness of your soul, and leaves you without gust in the things of God. For the creature who is scrupulous, is not fit either to love God, or to confide in him, nor doth he like the way which God holds with him, and then he goes to look other ways, which may please himself better, because he finds not that, in God's ways, which gives him gust. And this scrupulous person hath the fault of all, for he raises the storm, where there was a calm, and he found it in his own way, and not in the way of God, which is very smooth and plain.
Make you a jest of such things, & submit yourself to that which, your ghostly-father shall ordain; & be not carried a way with scruples, nor with your own conceit, but say, my lord God is not scrupulous, John. 4 Psal. 17. I do that which they command me in his name, and I am to account to him for no more. Shall I be plain with you make haste, make haste to love, and these scruples will fall away, which rise but from a fearful hart. For perfect love casts fear out of doors. Pray to our lord & say Deus meus illumina tenebras meas. And confide you in his mercy, that serving him he will be good to you, and will daily be giving you to understand your faults, that you may mend them.
I would also have you laugh at the temptation of vainglory, and say to it. Neither will I do it, nor leave to do it, for thee. O lord to thee it is, that I offer what sooner I can do, or say, or think. And when, vainglory comes again, say to it thus. Thou comest too late, for it is already given to God. It is a good advice, that beginners are to do nothing exteriorly which may seem to be of much sanctity, for being young and tender and all their business being but yet in flower, the wind will do them hurt; and it is better for them to hide their graces, then to show them. And so must you do for as much as possibly you can; and that which you cannot conceal, do freely and without fear. And straight cast up your hart to our Lord, and say, Non nobis Domine, non nobis, sed n●●n●ni tuo da gloriam. Or else you may say, Gloria Patri●, & Filio, & Spiritu● sancto.
And for conclusion, I recommend to you, that you cast all that out of your hart, which is not God, and that in this world you love tears, solitude, humility, and penance; and let your eyes be ever turned to our Lord, that your feet may be delivered from the snare. Put the law of God in practice, and you shall see how he will sweeten your way, and how he will cast your enemies under your feet. And by working you shall grow to understand that, which you know not how to conceive, either by speaking or hearing. For in this way of God, these tepid and talking people learn little, and they who are diligent in putting the hand to work learne much. Our Lord lesus Christ goes before you, follow him here with your Cross; and one day you shall be with him in heaven.
Footnotes
Chapter 18 of 57