That We Ought Much to Beware of Telling Another, “Soand-So Has Said This and That of You,’ Where It May Give Him Any Offense

MY intention is not at present to speak of detraction, because I shall treat of it in another place; here we shall only notice one thing of great importance which serves our purpose. As one ought to take particular care not to speak ill of another, so when we hear anything said of another that may give him any displeasure or resentment, we ought also to take care not to tell him: ‘Such a one has spoken thus and thus of you,” for this serves only to exasperate minds and sow discord amongst brethren, a thing very pernicious and much abhorred of God. Six things the Lord hateth, and the seventh He heartily detesteth and abominateth, the sower of discord amongst brethren (Prov. vi. 16-19). As we say we abhor a thing with all our heart, so the Scripture uses the like human language of God, to signify the height of His displeasure against such men. But if God detests such as these, men abhor them also. The talebearer, says the Wise Man, shall defile his own soul, and shall be hated in all company; and he that dealeth with him shall also be hated (Ecclus. xxi. 31). These are they who get the name of talebearers; this it is to go in for talebearing, a thing unworthy of men of probity, much more of religious. Never give occasion to anyone, says Ecclesiasticus (v. 16), to be able to say that you are a talebearer. What can be a more pernicious and prejudicial thing in a community than to be a scandal-monger and to go about making your brethren fall foul of one another? That is doing the devil’s work, for that is his Office.

And be it observed here that to set one person against another, it is not necessary that the things told be grave; very small and minute things, things that at times do not amount even to venial sins, are enough for that. So it is this that we must make account of, not merely whether the thing said or related be of itself grave or light, but whether it is a thing that can upset or sadden your brother and cause in him some disgust or disunion with the other party. Someone has been thoughtless in saying a little word that gave others to understand something that was less to the credit of another in point of learning, or capacity, or virtue, or talent, or something like that, and you with still greater thoughtlessness go off to tell it to the other party; you see now what resentment you may have excited in him; you thought you were doing nothing and you stabbed him to the heart. The words of the talebearer seem simple, and they penetrate to the inmost bowels (Prov. xxvi. 22). There are some things that some people are wont to make nothing of because they look at them from I know not what point of view—or the fact is that they do not look at them at all; but looked at from the point of view from which they should be looked at they present such a different appearance that there is much fear and doubt that they amount to mortal sin, for the inconveniences and evil effects that follow from them; and this is one of those things.

Now if to say these things and sow these discords amongst brethren is a thing so prejudicial and pernicious and so much abhorred of God, what must it be to sow these tares between subjects and their superior and cause disunion between the members and the head, between parents and children! How much more abominable is this in the sight of God! Now this is done also when similar language is used of the superior. Great was the love and obedience that King David’s subjects paid him, and quite united they were with him; but when they heard evil spoken of him and his government maligned by a wicked son of his, Absalom, they refused obedience and rose up against him (II Kings xv.). Oh, how many times does it happen that, when one is living in right down good faith and putting much trust in his superior and judging well of all that he does and trusting to him his soul and discovering to him his whole heart, by some light word that another says all this edifice is thrown down, and in its place there succeed a thousand sleights of malice and duplicity, rash judgments, fits of reserve, murmurings; and sometimes this plague spreads so far that it infects this one and that one, and that one and another, and another and another! It is beyond belief what harm is done by a few light words like these.

But someone will say: “It is a good thing at times for a person to know what is remarked and said of him that he may tread warily and not give occasion.” That is true; then you may tell him the thing but without letting him know who has said it, and that though it has been said in public, that none may excuse himself by saying that another would have told him before long. Let everyone look to himself. Woe to him by whom the scandal cometh (Matt. xvii. 7). And though the other importune you much to let him know who said it and you know the information would be a great gratification to his curiosity, still you must not tell him; it is a mistake sometimes to give such satisfaction to a friend. That is no good friendship, for you do him harm by telling him and do the other harm as well, and still more harm to yourself because you are left with a scruple about the harm that you have done to the one and the other.

The harm and bad consequences of such a disclosure may be well understood by this, that, when one makes known anyone’s fault to the superior, that by his fatherly care and providence he may be able to apply a proper remedy, according to the rule we have on this matter, he does not want the culprit to understand that it was he who made it known; and the superior does his best, and ought to do his best, to make sure of this secrecy as his rule recommends, that this may not be the cause of any bitterness or dislike among the brethren. Now if, when this is done lawfully and according to rule and with charity and desire of greater good, there still are these fears and it is needful to proceed with caution, with how far greater reason are these awkward consequences to be apprehended when one discovers to another who it was that spoke of his fault, doing this not lawfully nor according to rule, but carelessly and indiscreetly and in a bad way and perchance sometimes with some emulation or envy, or on other considerations not good, or at least which the other might imagine to be not good! St. Augustine highly praises his mother St. Monica upon this account, that when she heard often on one side and another complaints and words of resentment and rancor, she never told anything she had heard of one to the other, but only what might smooth them down and remove their rancor and go to unite and reconcile them. So we ought to act, being ever angels of peace.