Of Three Directions to Be Observed When Another Has Given Us Some Occasion of Annoyance

| are what has been said, we may gather three directions to be observed when our brother has offended us or given us some occasion of annoyance. The first is that we must be very far from desiring any revenge. We are all brethren and members of the same body, and no member wounded by another member takes vengeance on it, nor was ever boy so senseless as, because he had bitten his tongue, to pull out in his vexation the teeth that did the mischief. They are of the same household; now that one harm has been done, let not there be done two. Thus we should say, when a neighbor offends us: “He is of my body; let us pardon him; let us not do or wish him any evil: now that one harm is done, let there not be two in this body of religion.” Rendering no man evil for evil (Rom. xii. 17). I am not speaking of revenge in a grave matter, for here in religion we are very far, and all should be very far, from that; but I speak of lighter things such as one thinks he may desire and do without sin. One will say: “I do not wish any harm to befall my brother, but certainly I should like to say to him two words that he would feel and come to see the mischief he has done in this matter.” Another is glad at the rebuke and penance given to him with whom he has some matter of animosity. Another feels a strange satisfaction and complacency in the man’s not succeeding well in some undertaking and coming out of it disappointed and humbled. This is revenge; this is an evil thing; this is not having forgiven with all your heart. In this state of mind one may well have some scruple over the words of the Paternoster: Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us. In some sort this would mean more amongst us in religion than in those of the world desiring a grave vengeance on their enemies. Say not: As he hath done unto me, so will I do unto him (Prov. xxiv. 29). Desire not for your brother a return of what he has done to you, since that would be to desire vengeance.

Secondly, we must not only be far from desiring any sort of vengeance upon him who has offended us, but we must also beware of another thing which people in the world think lawful. Those in the world are wont to say: “I wish no evil to Jones, but I shall never be able to stomach him any more.” These people keep up in their heart a dislike and aversion for him who has injured them, and they cannot swallow any more from that quarter, as they say. We consider such action in these worldly people to be wicked, and we sometimes doubt whether they have fulfilled in rigor the obligation of the precept, since this sometimes leads to their refusing to speak to the person, and giving some scandal thereby. But how much greater a fault would it be if here amongst us there were anything of the sort, and there remained in your heart any bitterness or dislike against your brother and you did not look upon him as yesterday and the day before (Gen. xxxi. 2)! This is a thing very alien to religious life. Let all bitterness of heart, all anger and indignation be removed from you (Eph. iv. 31). We ought to be very bountiful to one another, very merciful, and ready to forget injuries, and that altogether from the heart. Do you know how much “from the heart” means? St. Paul tells you: “As God pardons us”—As the Lord hath condoned to you, so do ye also (Col. iii. 13). See how much from the heart God pardons us when we repent and beg pardon of our sins! God keeps no ill-will nor grudge against us nor shows us a sour face, but makes us friends as before. He cherishes and loves us as if we had never offended Him, and throws not our sins in our teeth nor remembers them anymore: I will not remember any more their sins and iniquities (Ezech. xviii. 22). He will cast into the depths of the sea all our sins (Micheas vii. 19). In this way we ought to forgive and in this way to forget injuries. There should remain in us no aversion or grudge against our brother, but it should be as though he had never offended us and nothing had passed between us. If you wish God to forgive you in this way, do you also forgive your brother; otherwise, take heed and be afraid, lest you become like that servant who had no compassion for his fellow servant, and whom his master delivered over to the sword of justice. So shall my heavenly Father do to you as ye have done to your brother, unless you forgive everyone his brother from his heart (Matt. xviii. 35). Forgive and ye shall be forgiven: with the same measure wherewith ye have measured out to others, so shall it be measured unto you (Luke vi. 37-38).

The third thing, which better explains what has gone before, St. Basil says, is that, as we should not keep up any particular affection for anybody, since these affections give rise to many bad consequences, as we shall say hereafter, so neither should we keep up an aversion for anyone, since these aversions also give rise to many bad consequences. What worse consequence could there be than this, if (which God forbid) such language were heard amongst us: “Raphael does not get on well with Gabriel; since so-and-so happened, they have not been on the same footing as before; they do not hit it off with one another; they are at loggerheads.” Encounters of this sort are enough to bring religious life to the ground. If Christ our Redeemer willed us to be known for His disciples by our loving one another (John xiii. 35), and it is not so with us, but quite the contrary, there will be there no disciple of Christ, no good religious.

Now for a remedy to all this. As when you feel a particular affection for anyone, you should diligently endeavor to cast it off, that it may not take root in your heart nor become dominant there—and the masters of spiritual life particularly advise us that it is necessary then to make great account of not letting this particular affection and inclination of the will come to light nor show itself in deeds nor let it be possibly understood or seen by anyone, because such a thing is apt to give great scandal and offense—so also, when you feel an aversion and dislike for anyone, you must be careful at once with all diligence to throw it off, that it may take no hold upon your heart nor any root there. And you must be particularly careful not to let it be in any manner visible in your actions that you have this aversion or temptation, for that might give great offence and lead to many evil consequences.

And not only must you be careful that others may not come to see it, but also that the party concerned may not be able to see it either. This is readily understood by the very example that we have before us. There are some people who endeavor that others should not come to see the particular affection they bear to some individual, wishing to avoid the censure and scandal that might occasion; but as for the person to whom they bear that affection, they give him to understand it in many things; sometimes by declaring it openly, at other times covertly, which is a great and very pernicious evil. So there are those who, while they are careful that others shall not come to see how ill-disposed they are towards their brother, for the sake of avoiding the censure and scandal that might arise therefrom, nevertheless show it to him in outward appearance and behavior, cutting him and not treating him as before, looking glum and severe on every occasion of meeting him and purposely letting him see that they resent what he has done. This also is very wicked, since it is a kind of vengeance taken upon one’s brother. Of all these things we should very much beware.

For this as for any other temptation the saints advise us by reason of the danger to walk with great precaution and circumspection, that the temptation may not run away with us and make us do something in accordance with it. Therefore, when you feel any aversion or dislike or rancor against another, you must be very much on your guard not to let this aversion or dislike carry you off and cause you to say something or do something in evidence of it and so give occasion of offence to your brother. Rather you should then make an effort to do him good turns, praying to God for him and speaking well of him and aiding him upon occasions, according to the counsel of the Gospel (Matt v. 44), and what St. Paul says: Be not overcome by evil, but overcome evil by good; for, doing this, thow shalt heap coals of fire upon his head (Rom. xii. 20-21).

Thomas 4 Kempis tells of a priest and servant of God, a companion of his in the same monastery, that, having to go on business to another convent, he met on the way a layman, with whom he engaged in familiar conversation. They came to speak of the things of God, and in the course of this conversation the layman went on to tell him that he wished to tell him a certain thing had happened to him at another time, which was that for a long time when he heard mass he could never see the Blessed Sacrament in the hands of the priest. Thinking that this was because he was too far off and his sight too weak to be able to see it, he went up to the altar where the priest was celebrating, and for all that he could see no more in one place than in the other, and this lasted for more than a year. In his perplexity and confusion, not knowing the cause of it, he bethought himself and determined to lay open the matter in confession to a good priest. This priest after discreet examination found that this man was at enmity with a neighbor for a certain injury that he had received, which he had no mind on any account to forgive. The good confessor, considering his malice and hardness of heart, partly scolded him, partly admonished him, giving him to understand the great danger in which he lay; and that, if he did not from his heart pardon the injuries done him, it was in vain for him to ask pardon for his own sins, and that this was the reason why he could not see the Blessed Sacrament. Hearing this, he was struck with compunction of heart and, obeying the counsel of his good confessor, he pardoned his enemy. When the confession was over and he had received penance and absolution, he entered the church, heard mass, and without difficulty saw the Blessed Sacrament. In thanksgiving he was never wearied with blessing the Lord for this benefit and for the others that He marvelously works among His creatures.