Of Other Manners of Union and Friendships Not Good

WE have treated of the union and love that is good and spiritual; now we shall proceed to treat of three manners there are of union and love, not good nor spiritual, but evil and hurtful. St. Basil in his Monastic Constitutions says that religious ought to have great union and charity one with another, but in such sort that there be no particular friendships nor affections whereby two or three band themselves together to keep up such affections, for this would not be charity, but division and sedition, even though such friendship seemed just and holy. And in his fine sermon De Institutionibus Monachorum, going into this point more in detail, he says: “If there be anyone found to have more affection for one religious than for another, even if it be for his own brother according to the flesh, or on any other consideration, let him be punished as one wronging common charity.” And he gives the reason there, and more expressly in the following sermon, how it is that herein he does an injury to the community; the reason being that he who loves one more than another shows clearly that he does not love the others perfectly, since he does not love them all as he does this one, and thus he offends the others and wrongs the whole community. And if to offend one individual is a matter so grave the Lord says it is to touch the apple of His eye (Zach. ii. 8), what shall it be to offend a whole community, and such a community? And so St. Basil then strongly charges religious in no manner to love some individuals more particularly than others nor have special dealings with some more than with others, so as not to aggrieve anyone nor give offense to anyone (II Cor. vi. 3), but to have a common and general love of charity of God, Who sends His sunshine and rain upon all equally (Matt. v. 49). The saint goes on to say that these particular friendships in religion are a great seed plot of envy and suspicion, and hatreds and enmities; and further cause divisions, private meetings, and cliques, which are the pest of religious life, for there one discovers his temptations, another his judgments, another his complaints, and other secret things that ought to be hushed up. There go on detractions and criticisms of one another and sometimes of the superior. There people infect one another with their mutual faults in such sort that each catches the fault of the other in a few days. Finally, these friendships are the cause of much breaking of rules and of the doing of many things that ought not to be done, to suit one’s friend, as they experience too well who form such friendships.

St. Ephrem says: “Familiarities and conversations of this sort do no little damage to the soul.” Thus it is necessary that we should avoid and stand greatly on our guard against them and always hold this for a fundamental principle, that here in religion we must not have particular friends, intimacies, and exclusive dealings that may offend the community. Our friendship should be spiritual, not founded on flesh and blood, nor on long acquaintance and familiarity, nor on other human titles and foundations, but on God our Lord, Who embraces all. Thus there should be an equality of love with all, as with sons of God and brothers of Christ. Let us never in any way consent to our heart’s being captivated by any creature; let it be the captive of God alone.

In the chronicles of the Order of St. Francis it is related of a holy man, Brother John of Lucca, that he withdrew from and greatly shunned familiar conversations; and one who was fond of and desired to profit by his conversation complained one day, asking why he was so shy and dry in treating with those who wished him well. The servant of God answered: ‘It is for your good I do it, since the more I am united with God, of the more profit shall I be to those who wish me well; whereas these your soothing friendships separate me in some degree from God and so do harm to you and me.”