That Good and Fair Words Help Very Much to Preserve Charity, While Their Contraries Have a Contrary Effect

a the things that contribute much to preserve and augment fraternal charity are soft and fair words. A sweet word multiplieth friends and appeaseth enemies, says the Wise Man; and, on the contrary, A harsh word raiseth wp fury (Ecclus. vi. 5; Prov. xv. 1). Hard, rough, and bitter language awakens ill will and causes disunion, for we are men and feel such language and are disgusted and stung thereby: hence we look not upon our brother as we did before; we view his conduct in an evil light and perhaps speak ill of him. This being so, it is of very great importance that our discourse be always so seasoned with sweetness and affability that thereby we may gain the good will of our brethren, according to the saying of Ecclesiasticus: A prudent man maketh himself amiable in his words (Ecclus. xx. 13). In the first place we must observe as the foundation of all that is to be said, that none should deceive himself herein by saying: ‘My brothers are very virtuous men and will not be shocked nor tried by one light word, be it a trifle haughty or ungracious; they will not mind that.” The question is not what your brothers are or ought to be, but what you ought to be and how you should behave to them. If you say they will not be angry for so small a thing, “The smaller it is,” answers St. Bernard, “the easier it is for you to abstain from it.” St. Chrysostom says this rather aggravates your fault, that you did not take means to overcome yourself in so light a matter. You should not be naughty because your brother is good. Is thy eye evil, says our Savior, because I am good? (Matt. xx.15). I say, then, that we ought to have a good opinion of all our brethren and not believe they are so thin-skinned as to be angry for any small matter; but this does not exempt us from using as much caution and moderation in dealing with them as if they were more brittle than glass and the weakest creatures in the world, not giving them on our part any occasion of annoyance or irritation, however weak or imperfect they may be. And this caution we should keep for two reasons. One reason touches ourselves; it is that, however much virtue another has, that does not make our action cease to be our fault; and again for a second reason, touching our neighbor, that not all people on all occasions are so well disposed, or so well in form, as not to be sensible of the offenses we commit against them. Everyone may know by himself what words or manner of saying them may please or displease his brother, following the rule which the Holy Ghost gives us by the mouth of the Wise Man: Judge of thy neighbor by thyself (Ecclus. xxxi. 18). Let everyone consult himself and see whether he be content that they should speak coldly of him, that they should answer him sharply and command him after a haughty and imperious manner; and if he finds this will touch him to the quick, let him abstain from speaking in that manner, because his neighbor is a man like himself and may have the same feelings as he has.

Humility, also, is a very proper means to make us never speak but as we ought; for if we be humble and account ourselves the least of all, we shall need no other safeguard than this. This alone is sufficient to teach us how to behave so that we shall never speak a hasty word at which anyone may be offended, but always speak to everyone with respect and esteem. It is clear that no one would say to his superior: “Your reverence does not understand what I say,” for he is speaking as an inferior to one whom he respects. If, then, anyone says these or the like words to his brother, it is because he does not take himself for his inferior, and so speaks to him without respect. Let us therefore be humble and, following the counsel of the Apostle (Phil. ii. 3), reckon ourselves the least of all; and we shall soon learn the words that we ought to utter and the manner in which we ought to utter them. But apart from these general rules and remedies, we will go on to mention in particular some sorts of words that are contrary to charity, that we may avoid them.