Chapter 18: How God bears with our defects— Instruction on humility

One day, after I had washed my hands, and was standing round the table with the community, perplexed in mind, considering the brightness of the sun, which was in its full strength, I said within myself : " If the Lord, who has created the sun, and whose beauty is said to be the admi ration of the sun and moon, — if He, who is a consuming fire, is as truly in me as He shows Himself frequently be fore me, how is it possible that my heart continues like ice, and that I lead so evil a life ? "

Then Thou, whose words, though always sweet, were now much sweeter, and therefore the more necessary for my heart in its state of agitation, — Thou, I say, didst reply thus to me : " In what should My omnipotence be extolled, if I could not contain Myself within Myself wherever I am, so that I am only felt or seen as is most suitable for the time, place, and person 1 For since the creation of heaven and earth I have worked for the redemption of all, more by the wisdom of My benignity than by the power of My majesty. And this benignity of wisdom shines most in My tolerance towards the imperfect, leading them, even by their own free will, into the way of perfection." Seeing also, on a certain feast-day, that many who had recommended themselves to my prayers were going to Communion, and that I was de prived of It by sickness — or rather, prevented on account of my unworthiness — and reflecting in my mind on the numerous benefits I had received from God, I began to fear the wind of vain-glory, which might dry up the waters of Divine grace ; and I desired to have some reflection in my mind that might prevent its recurrence. Then Thy pater- nal goodness instructed me thus : that I should consider Thy affection towards me under the similitude of a father of a family, who, being delighted at seeing so many beau tiful children receiving admiration from his neighbours and servants, had, amongst others, a little one who was not so beautiful as his companions, whom he, nevertheless, often took in his bosom, moved by paternal tenderness, and con soled him by gentle words and kind gifts ; and Thou didst add, that if I had this humble esteem of myself, so as to believe myself the most imperfect of all, the torrents of Thy celestial sweetness would never cease to flow into my soul. I give thanks to Thee, most loving God, Lover of men, by the merit of the reciprocal gratitude of the adorable Trinity, for this and for many other salutary instructions by which Thou hast instructed my ignorance so many times as the best of masters, — I offer my sighs to Thee through the bitter Passion of Jesus Christ Thy Son ; I offer to Thee His pains and tears and dolors, in expiation of all the negli gences by which I have so often stifled the Spirit of God in my heart. I beseech Thee, in union with the efficacious prayer of this Thy beloved Son, and by the grace of the Holy Ghost, to amend my life, and to supply for my defi< ciencies. This I beseech Thee to grant by that love which arrested Thine anger when Thy only Son, the object of Thy complacence, was reputed a criminal.