Chapter XXIII

How important it is that one who has entered on the way of prayer should not turn back.¹

1. Why we should persevere in prayer. 2. Because we must be generous. 3. Perseverance in prayer defeats the devil and gives us courage. 4. Reward gained by mental prayer.

1. How I have wandered from the subject! It is essential, I think, to begin the practice of prayer with a firm resolution of persevering in it. The reasons for this are so many that it would take too long to enumerate them — besides, they are explained in a number of books. I will content myself, then, with mentioning two or three. Firstly, when we pay this attention (slight in itself) of our thoughts — an attention which is not fruitless, but which brings us a rich reward — when we render this homage to God, Who has bestowed so much on us and Who continues to shower benefits upon us, it would be wrong not to give it Him entirely; not as one who gives a thing, meaning to take it back again. This cannot be called 'giving': in fact, any one who has received a present always feels more or less annoyed at its being reclaimed by the donor, especially when he had come to look upon it as his own property. If this occurs between friends, and the giver is indebted for many gratuitous favours to the recipient, the latter may justly consider that meanness and want of affection are shown if nothing has been left him as a gage of love. Where can a wife be found who, after receiving a number of valuable jewels from her husband, will not give him in return even a ring, not so much for its value (for all that she possesses is his), but as a pledge that she will be faithful to him until death? Does God merit less than this, that we should mock Him by first giving Him this trifle and then taking it away? Since we have resolved to devote to Him this short space of time (which we should otherwise bestow on our friends, who would not thank us for it) let us yield it Him with thoughts that are free and withdrawn from all else. Let us fully resolve never to take it back, whatever crosses it may bring us, and in spite of all aridities.²

2. We must no longer reckon this time as our own: we should feel that God will have the right to call us to account for it unless we render it entirely to Him. When I say 'entirely' I do not mean that we should be taking it back if we missed it for a day or two on account of lawful duties³ or illness, but that you should keep your resolution unchanged. God is not exacting: He does not scrutinise details, and if you seek to please Him you are offering Him a gift. The other way of acting suits spirits so miserly that they have not the heart to give, but will only lend. Still, even then, they do something: this Lord of ours takes any payment and accommodates Himself to our humours. He is liberal, not exacting about His dues: however heavy our debts may be, He easily remits them in order to win us. He watches us so closely that you need never fear He will leave you unrewarded if you but raise your eyes to heaven with the thought of Him.

3. A second reason why our resolution should be firm is that this lessens the devil's power of tempting us. He is very frightened of determined souls, knowing by experience how they injure him, and that by trying to do them mischief he only profits them and others and damages himself. Still, we must not grow careless or trust to this, for we have to deal with traitors who, though too cowardly to attack the wary, yet inflict great harm on the negligent. If they find that a soul is fickle, irresolute, and wanting in perseverance in the right path, they will never leave it alone day or night and will suggest to it endless fears and difficulties. Experience has convinced me of this, and I have been able to explain it to you: most people do not realise its gravity. A third and very weighty reason is that a resolute soul fights more courageously, knowing that, come what may, it must never retreat. It is like a soldier in the midst of the fray, who knows that if he is vanquished he must expect no quarter, but that, if he does not fall during the battle, he will be killed afterwards. I am sure that he must fight the more doggedly and intend to sell his life the more dearly for this, as the term goes. Besides, he would care less for his wounds, realising the price of victory and that his life depended upon gaining it.

4. We ought to feel no doubt that, unless we allow ourselves to be defeated, we are sure to succeed. This is certain, for however insignificant our conquest may be we shall come off with great gains. Never fear that our Lord will allow us to die of thirst after inviting us to drink of this fountain. I have said it before and I shall often repeat it, for people who have not learnt our Lord's goodness by experience, but only know of it by faith, are often discouraged. It is a great grace to have proved for oneself what friendship and caresses He bestows on those who walk by the way of prayer, and how, as it were, He defrays all the costs. It does not surprise me that those who have never practised it should want the security of receiving some interest. You know that we receive a hundredfold even in this life,⁴ and that our Lord said: 'Ask and ye shall receive'.⁵ His Majesty has promised this in several places in the Gospels: if you do not believe Him, sisters, it would be of little use for me to wear myself out with telling you about it. However, I can assure any one who still feels doubtful that she has little to lose by beginning the practice and that prayer has the advantage of gaining for us more than we ask or can even desire. This is incontestable: I know it from experience. If you find it is false, never believe a single word I have ever said to you. Those who, by the mercy of God, have learnt it for themselves can bear witness to what I affirm. It is well to have said this for the sake of those who will come after me.