Chapter XXIX

Continues the instruction on the prayer of recollection. That it is of little consequence whether or no the prioress likes us.¹

1. We should be indifferent to the partiality of superiors. 2. Human favours incompatible with divine consolations. 3. How to become recollected. 4. We must realise God's presence. 5. How recollection aids our vocal prayers. 6. Perseverance needed to acquire it.

1. For the love of God, sisters, do not wish to be the favourite of your Superior. Let each one do her duty, and if the Prioress is not pleased with her you may be sure our Lord will repay her and be satisfied with her. We did not come here to be rewarded in this life: let us keep our minds fixed on eternity and make no account of this world's matters, which do not even last our life-time. To-day, another nun is the favourite — to-morrow, if she sees some greater virtue in you, the Superior will like you best — if not, it is of little consequence. Never give way to such thoughts which sometimes rise from some trifling matter and may worry you a great deal. Check them at once by reflecting that your 'kingdom is not of this world'² and that everything will come to an end, for there is nothing here that does not change.³ But this is a poor remedy and an uncertain and imperfect one: it is best that you should be disliked and humbled and that you should wish to be so for the sake of that Lord Who dwells within you. Turn your thoughts upon yourself and look within: there you will find your Master and your Bridegroom Who will never forsake you. The less consolation you receive from without, the more He will caress you. He is full of compassion, and never fails those who are afflicted and despised if they trust in Him alone. David tells us that he had 'never seen the just man forsaken':⁴ and again, 'The Lord is nigh unto the afflicted.'⁵ Either you believe this or you do not: if you believe it as sincerely as you ought, why are you anxious?

2. O my God! If only we really knew Thee, all things would be indifferent to us, for Thou givest in abundance to all who truly trust in Thee. Believe me, my friends, the grasp of this truth helps us immensely to see the deception of all worldly favours that prevent the soul from entering into itself. God have mercy on me! Who can make people understand this? Not I for certain, for, although no one has better reason to say so than myself, yet I never realise it as I should do.

3. To return to my subject. Oh! if only I could describe how the soul holds intercourse with this Companion, the Holy of holies, with nothing to intrude on the solitude of itself and its Spouse whenever it seeks to retire within itself with its God into this 'heaven', shutting the door against all the world. I say 'the soul seeks', because you must understand that this is not a supernatural state, but something which, with the grace of God, we can desire and obtain for ourselves. This 'grace' is always implied whenever I say in this book that we are able to do anything, for without it we can do nothing — nothing— nor could we, by any strength of our own, think a single good thought.

4. This is not what is called silence of the powers; it is a recollection of the powers within the soul itself. There are several ways of acquiring the habit. Many books advise us to cast aside all other thoughts in order to approach God Who dwells in our souls: and they tell us that even in the midst of our occupations we should occasionally withdraw into ourselves, if only for a moment. It is very profitable for us to remember Who resides within our hearts. All I desire is that we should realise to Whom our prayers are addressed,⁶ and should remain in His presence and not turn our back on Him, as we appear to do if, while we are speaking to God, we occupy our thoughts with a thousand vanities. All this evil comes from our not really understanding that God is near us, but imagining that He is far away — and how very far away, if we must go to heaven to find Him! And dost Thou not deserve a glance from us, O Lord! since Thou art so near us? Unless the person we are speaking to looks at us, we think he is not listening: shall we then close our eyes so that we cannot see whether Thou dost attend to us or not? How could we tell whether our words were heard?

5. I want to teach you that, in order to accustom ourselves to quiet our mind with facility so that we may understand what we are saying and Whom we are addressing, we must withdraw our senses from outward things and keep them occupied within our souls. Then we shall possess heaven within us, since the King of heaven dwells there. Let us accustom ourselves to the fact that we need not call loudly to make God hear us: His Majesty will make us feel He is there. Thus we shall be able to recite, in great peace, such a prayer as the Pater Noster or any other that we select. We shall save ourselves a great deal of trouble, for God will aid us lest we grow weary. In return for the short time spent in forcing ourselves to keep near Him, He will make us understand by certain signs that He is listening.⁷ Thus, if we have to recite the Pater Noster several times, He will show us that He heard us sufficiently the first time we said it, for He dearly loves to save us trouble. We need not repeat it more than once in a whole hour if we only apprehend that we are in His presence and know for what we are asking Him, and believe that He is willing to grant it, like a tender Father Who loves to be with us and to enjoy our company. He does not want us to make our head ache by much talking, and to those who do not know it He will teach this way of prayer. For the love of God, then, sisters, cultivate the habit of saying the Pater Noster with recollection; you will soon discover its advantages, for thus the soul is easily checked from losing self-control and the senses remain undisturbed, as I will explain to you. I beg of you to practise it although at first you may find it difficult, as it is harder for those unaccustomed to it. I assure you, however, that before long you will find that you need not tire yourselves by seeking the holy Father to Whom you pray, since He resides in your soul. For my part, I own that I never knew what it was to pray in peace until God taught me this way. The great benefits I have reaped from the habit of interior recollection have made me write about it here at such length. Perhaps all of you know this already: however, in the future some nun might not know: so you must not be annoyed at my having discussed it here.

6. To conclude, I advise whoever wishes to acquire this habit (which as I said we have the power to gain) not to grow tired of persevering in trying gradually to obtain the mastery over herself. This self-denial will profit any nun by making her senses serve her soul. If she wishes to talk, let her know that there is One within her to Whom she can speak: if she prefers to listen, let her realise that she can hearken to Him Who is nearer to her than all others. In short, let her be convinced that she may, if she likes, ever keep this holy Companionship. Let her grieve when, for any length of time, she has deserted the Father of Whom she has such need. If possible, let her recollect herself often during the day in this way; if she is unable to do so, at least let her practise it occasionally. When accustomed to it, she will benefit greatly sooner or later; when once God has bestowed this grace on her, she would not exchange it for any earthly treasure. Nothing can be learnt without a certain amount of trouble. For the love of God, sisters, reckon your time well spent in acquiring this habit. I know that, with His help, if you practise it for a year, or perhaps for only six months, you will gain it. Think what a short time that is for so great an advantage as laying this firm foundation, so that if our Lord wishes to raise you to a high degree of prayer He will find you prepared for it, since you keep close to Him. May His Majesty never allow us to withdraw from His Presence! Amen. Now we must learn what our good Master says next; how He begins to speak on our behalf to His most blessed Father, and what He asks, for we ought to understand this.