Chapter XIII

Continues the subject of mortification: that a nun must avoid the touchiness and wisdom of the world in order to attain true wisdom.¹

1. We must imitate our Lord by suffering unjustly. 2. The evil of bad example. 3. One who is punctilious about honour is unsuited to the religious life. 4. A mortified spirit essential for a Carmelite. 5. Essentials of a Carmelite vocation.

1. I often tell you, sisters, and now I leave it to you here in writing, that not only those dwelling in this house but all who aspire after perfection must fly a thousand leagues away from saying, 'I was in the right: it was not right for me to suffer this, they had no right to do such a thing to me!'² Now God deliver us from such wrong rights! Do you think that there was any question of rights when our good Jesus suffered the injuries which were so unrighteously inflicted on Him? I do not know what any person is doing in a monastery who will only bear a cross which people have a perfect right to lay upon her — let her go back to the world where people care nothing for such rights. Is it possible for you to suffer so much that you ought not to suffer any more? What rights have you in this? I do not know of them. When we receive honours or affection or kind treatment let us think what right have we to them, for certainly we have no right to them in this life; but when wrong is done to us we call it so, though it does us no wrong — I do not know why we should ever speak of it. Either we are brides of this great King or we are not. If we are, what faithful wife does not share her husband's disgrace, even against her will? In short, they share both honour and shame together. To seek to share in His kingdom and to enjoy His presence, and yet to shun all part in His ignominy and His toils, is incompatible. God preserve us from such a wish! Let her who believes that her sisters hold her the last of all think herself the most fortunate, as indeed she is if she bears it as she ought, and she will not fail to be honoured for it, both in this world and in the next: you may trust my words.³

2. But what presumption for me to write 'You may trust my words' when He Who is true Wisdom tells us so, as does the Queen of Angels! Let us, my daughters, imitate, however feebly, the most holy Virgin, whose habit we wear. Indeed, we feel ashamed to number ourselves among her nuns, because, however deeply we seem to humble ourselves, we are most unworthy to be called the daughters of such a mother, and the brides of such a Spouse, even if we copy her humility in any way — 'in any way', I say. However, though we may all abase and humble ourselves, no one is so bound to do this as myself, who for my sins deserve to be insulted and despised by the devils themselves. Yet, although others may not have committed so many faults, it will be wonderful if they have done nothing that deserves hell. Therefore, I repeat, you must not consider the defects I have spoken of as insignificant, for, if you do not check them carefully, what seems a trifle to-day will become a venial sin to-morrow; this is a thing of such evil growth that if left alone it will spread and is most injurious in communities. We must be very watchful in such matters lest we injure those who are trying to help us and to give us a good example. If we only realised the immense harm that is done by introducing the bad habit of touchiness about honour, we should die a thousand times rather than be the means of doing so. That would be only the death of the body, but the loss of souls is a terrible one and seems never-ending, for when one generation dies, others succeed it, and perhaps they will all be influenced more by the one bad custom we began⁴ than by the many virtues they see practised, for the devil takes care the evil habit is kept up, while the infirmity of human nature destroys our virtues.⁵

3. What genuine charity, and how true a service to God would it be, if the novice who sees that she cannot conform to the customs of this convent would acknowledge it and go away before being professed, thus leaving the nuns in peace. Other monasteries (if they will take my advice) will not keep her, nor allow her to take the vows without giving her several years' probation, to learn whether she will improve. I do not mean one who cannot bear penances and fasting, for, though this be a fault, it does not cause so much harm, but I am speaking of those who wish to be esteemed and respected; who see others' faults but never know their own, and who possess other defects of the same kind, which all take their origin from a want of humility. If God does not favour such a character with a great deal of light and understanding, so that she amends in the course of years, may He prevent you from retaining her in your community; for, be assured that she will never be at rest herself nor leave others at peace. As you do not require dowries, God preserves you from many dangers, for I pity the monasteries which, for the sake of not returning the dowry or out of regard for her relations, keep a thief who robs them of this treasure.⁶

4. In this convent you have abandoned and lost the honour of this world, for the poor are not honoured; nor should you honour others at so dear a cost to yourselves. Our honour, sisters, is to serve God;⁷ whoever should hinder this had better remain at home with her honour. It was to test the disposition of novices that our Fathers ordered a year's probation for them⁸ (which in our Order may be prolonged to four years),⁹ and I wish that they were not professed for ten years, because a humble nun would care little for the delay, knowing that if she were good she would not be sent away, and if she were not, why should she wish to stay and damage Christ's community? By not being 'good' I do not mean an attachment to worldly vanities, for, by the mercy of God, I believe that those in this house are far from anything of the sort, but I mean a want of mortification, self-esteem, or a care for human respect and self, of the kind mentioned. Let her who knows that she is not very mortified believe what I say, and not make her profession unless she wishes to live in a very hell in this life — and God grant she may not find herself in another hell in the next world— for there is much in such dispositions to make one fear such a fate for her, though perhaps neither she herself nor the nuns understand her case as I do. Trust my words, otherwise you will learn this truth in the future. The spirit of our Order bids us not only to be nuns but hermits, like our holy Fathers in times past; therefore we must be detached from all created things. This grace of detachment is to be found in any one to whom God has given our vocation, and although at first she may not possess it in perfection, yet we know that she has it by her joy at seeing she is cut off from the world, and her delight in all the practices of the religious life.¹⁰

5. I repeat that any one who is worldly and who does not improve is not fit for our convents: she should go somewhere else if she wishes to be a nun — if not, she will see what will happen. Let her not complain that it is my fault because I founded this house, and that I do not warn her. This convent is a paradise (if paradise can exist on earth) for any one who finds her sole happiness in pleasing God,¹¹ and who cares nothing for her own comfort: such a person leads a very happy life here, but, if she seeks for anything more, she will lose all the rest because nothing else is to be had. A discontented mind resembles a man suffering from violent nausea, whose stomach rejects all food however good it may be while loathing the meat which others relish. Any one with the character I have described may save her soul more easily elsewhere than here, and may by degrees attain the perfection which she could not gain in this Order, because here the mortifications must be accepted at once; for although time is allowed for attaining total interior detachment and mortification, these virtues must soon be practised outwardly because of the harm their absence may do to others. If seeing them performed by all the nuns and living among good companions should not improve the new-comer in a year, or in six months, I fear she will never make much progress either in many years or in few. I do not say she must be as perfect in these qualities as the rest of the nuns, but she must make visible progress towards the recovery of her spiritual health, as she soon will do if the disease is not mortal.