Chapter IX

Those who have given up the world benefit by doing so and gain truer friends: this, however, does not suffice unless we forsake ourselves also.¹

1. Harm done by seeing much of our relations. 2. Detachment from them. 3. God will supply us with the friends we need. 4. Spiritual and corporal detachment.

1. Oh, if we religious only understood the harm it does us to see much of our relations, how we should shun them! I cannot see what pleasure it can give us, for, setting aside the mischief done by it to our spiritual life, what comfort or solace can it obtain for us? We cannot share their amusements, nor would it be lawful for us; but we grieve over their unhappiness which often afflicts us more than it does them. I assure you that the soul and poverty of spirit pay dearly for any comfort that the body may gain. You are free from this evil here, for as everything is in common and no one may receive any private gift, all alms being given to the community in general,² there is no obligation to repay your kindred for what they bestow, and, as you know, our Lord provides for us all together.

2. It astonishes me to see what harm the society of our kindred does us. It is incredible, save to those who have witnessed it for themselves; yet how this perfection seems forgotten by religious of the present day! at least by the greater number of them, although all the saints remembered it and wrote a great deal about it. I cannot tell what it is that we leave in this world, we who say we leave all for God, if we do not forego the chief thing of all — the society of our relatives. Things have come to such a pass that it is considered a defeat in religious not to be fond of their kindred nor to see a great deal of them. They will tell you so, and allege their reasons for it. In this house, my daughters, we must pray a good deal for our relatives after having interceded for the Church, as I told you: this is only right; but having done this, we must blot them out of our memory as far as possible, because it is natural to us to fix our affection on them in preference to others. My relations were extremely fond of me, people say, and I loved them so much that I would not allow them to forget me. Yet I have learnt from experience, both in my own case and that of others, that (with the exception of parents, who only in very rare cases refuse succour to their children), when I have been in need my own kith and kin have helped me least of all, and it has been the servants of God who have come to my aid. It is right, however, when our father and mother require comfort from us that we should not hold ourselves aloof from them: this is consistent with perfect detachment. The same applies to our brothers and sisters.

3. Believe me, sisters, if you serve God as you ought you will find no better kindred than those servants of His whom He will send you. I am convinced of the truth of this, and if you do what you know to be right (for to take any other course would be to fail in your duty to your true Friend and Spouse), you may be sure that in a very short time you will gain this liberty of spirit. Those who love you for His sake alone, who are more to be relied on than all your relatives, will never desert you, and you will find fathers and brothers where you never looked for them. For these latter help us because they wait for their reward from God, while the former, as they expect repayment from us, when they see our poverty and helplessness soon weary of assisting us. Though this does not always happen, yet it is the rule in this life; in short, it is the way of the world! If any one tells you it is a virtue to act in a contrary manner, do not believe him. It would take me a long time to tell you all the harm that results from such a course; as others who know better than I do have written on the subject, this will suffice. If, in spite of all my imperfections, I understand this so well, how far better more spiritual persons must realise it! As I said, much has been written elsewhere on this matter, many books treating of little else. There is no doubt that the saints do right in advising us to fly from the world. Believe what I said to you — the thing that clings closest to us and is most difficult to shake off is the love of our kindred.

4. Those do right, therefore, who quit their country if it helps this detachment which I find consists not so much in bodily separation as in the spirit's resolutely embracing the good Jesus, our Lord, and forgetting all else since it possesses all things in Him. But it is a great help to keep apart from our relations until we are convinced of this truth. Later on, perhaps, it may be God's will that we should be in their society; we may then find our cross where we used to find our joy.