Letter, Sala Balust no. 152. To a Cavalier
THese great fishes are hard to be taken, and a man had need make many turns with them up and down the river, till they be weary, that so through the little strength they have left, the hook may quiettly fetch them up. And therefore we must not marvel, if our lord give you so many knocks; contradicting that which you had formerly in your thought, and desire. And the cause of all I conceive without doubt, to be your own proper will and judgement; which be hard things to subdue, and still are ready to rebel. We have need that our lord should tyre them out, with a multitude of blows, and should kill them, to the end that they may no longer live in you, but that we may continue in the faith of our lord, and in obedience to his holy will: I would have you understand what this curb means, and these tokens of reproof, which our lord shows you. For as he is praised, who is an intelligent servant, and grows acceptable to our lord thereby; so is he discommended, who understands not, I say not only the words, but the corrections also of our lord.
You must conceive, that there is nothing, which imports you so much, as to be untied from your own opinion, and conceit; and that Omnis sapientia tua devorata sit, ut sic clames ad Deum, & de necessitatibus tuis liberet te. That all your wisdom is at a non plus, and that so crying out to God, he may deliver you out of your necessities. For what Idolatry is more prejudicial, then that a man should rely upon his own opinion? And what marriage is so monstrous, as for a man to be married to his own will? such fearful and abominable monsters rise from hence, as that they precipitate him who breeds them into the very bottomless pit of hell. If you believe not me, do but take order, that a man may not follow his own opinion, and not love his own will, and then I will undertake, that there shallbe no hell for him. You must therefore offer yourself, as a piece of clay, into the hands of that sovereign Potter; and say that to him, which is written Fictor noster es, nos vero lutum. Thou art our framer, and we are not better than a piece of clay. Resolve that to be the best, which is contrary to your own will. For so ill affected is our will, that for the only reason, why a thing is much desired, a man may safely apprehend, and doubt, that it is not good. For that which pleaseth it, is ill; & what confidence can he then repose therein.1
Have great care to consider, of the way, wherein God guides you; for you shall be called to an account thereof; And when you have learned this science, you shallbe wise, in the sight of God. You must be enamoured of nothing under heaven (how precious soever it may seem) but only with seeking the good pleasure of God. And if it should so happen: that we should obtain no part of that which we particularly sought: yet that very thing itself, is all the riches both of this world, and of heaven, for God is pleased thereby: and the contentment of God, is God himself: and he who love's it, love's God, and he who professes it professes God.
Concerning those complaints, which you are making against yourself, I well believe, that you have reason: since you are a man, and not yet in heaven. And you do well to reprove yourself; for by this means the reproof which our lord makes of sinners, may be removed from you; which reproof of his, would be fare greater, than we know how to imagine. For who can reach to understand either the riches of the goodness of God, or our faults, and miseries? I beseech our Lord give us light from heaven, where with to see these two Abysses, which are so different; that so the sight of our wickedness dismay us not but that we may be comforted by meditating upon the goodness of our lord. For otherwise the stoutest gallant upon earth might say well enough, Cor meum derel●quit me. My hart hath failed me, to see so many debts incurred by himself, both past, and present, besides the danger of such as are to come.2
I know not what we should do with this miserable thing, which is called Ourselves; nor why we will take Ourselves for our own, or stand charged with doing what we list. Let us give itt to him, who will have goodness to tolerate it, and wisdom to conduct and cure it. And certainly our lord would thereby undergo the weight, as a man may say, of a heavy end unsufferable burden, if his love were not incomprehensible. It is a great help towards out denyeing of ourselves, when we consider that we are our own enemies: and our very being so miserable, may well serve to keep us from being so covetous, to enjoy ourselves; and to make us cast ourselves away, and turn ourselves out of house, whatsoever it cost us. And yet the trumpet of the divine goodness, sounds this out in our ears, that David goes forth into the field, as being persecuted without any fault of his; and that the poor people, who were much in debt, and such as were in anguish, and bitterness of heart, joined themselves to him. Blessed be our lord Jesus, Amen: who is so rich, and patiented in goodness; that his father thought fit to trust such poor sheep as we are, in his hands. But that which is lamentable, is, that we are so blind withal, that he, begging that we will be his, and binding himself to be ours upon that condition, yet woe woe be to us) we still resolve to seek, Quae nostra sunt, non quae jesu Christi. Those things which are our own, and not these things of Christ our lord. And we will needs possess ourselves still, without any reason at all, but only through blind affection, and without once resolving to try, how sweet, how just, and how profitable a thing it is, to belong entirely to Christ our lord: and to walk in the way of his holy will. Christ our lord give you light in all, Amen: and be wholly with you.3
Footnotes
Chapter 50 of 57