Chapter I

The reason why I founded this convent in such austere observance.

1. Why the Convent of St. Joseph at Avila was founded. 2. Reasons for the corporal austerities of this convent. 3. St. Teresa's grief at sin and the eternal loss of sinners. 4. She begs the nuns to intercede against these evils. 5. This, and not worldly matters, should be the object of our petitions.

1. This convent was founded for the reasons already given in the work above mentioned,¹ and also on account of certain favours that God showed me, in which He revealed that He would be served with great fervour in this house.² I did not at first intend that such rigorous bodily austerities should be practised in it, nor that it should possess no income; on the contrary, I wished it to have sufficient means to prevent the possibility of want; which shows how weak and wicked I am, although I meant rather to do what was right than to seek for self-indulgence.³

2. Just at this time I heard of the miseries France was suffering, of the havoc the Lutherans were making there, and how this wretched sect was increasing.⁴ It grieved me bitterly, and as if I could have done anything, or had been of any consequence, I cried to God and begged Him to cure this terrible evil. I felt that I would have laid down a thousand lives to save one of the many souls perishing there. Yet, as I am but a woman, feeble and faulty, it was impossible for me to serve God in the way I wished — indeed, all I cared for then, as I do now, was that, as the enemies of God are so many and His friends so few, these latter might at least be good ones. Therefore I determined to do what little was in my power, which was to follow the Evangelical counsels as perfectly as I could and to see that the few nuns here should do the same.⁵ Trusting in the great mercy of God which never fails those who resolve to leave all things for His sake, I hoped that, as my sisters here are all that I ever wished them to be, their virtues would be strong enough to resist the influence of my defects and that I might be able to bring some comfort to our Lord. Thus, being all of us employed in interceding for the champions of the Church and the preachers and theologians who defend her we might, to our utmost, aid this Lord of mine Who is attacked with such cruelty by those on whom He has conferred great benefits that it seems as though they would fasten Him to the Cross again, leaving Him no place to lay His Head.

3. O my Redeemer! How it wearies my heart⁶ to think of this! To what a state have Christians come! Must those who owe Thee most always treat Thee worst? — those souls to whom Thou hast shown the greatest goodness, whom Thou hast chosen for Thy friends, amongst whom Thou dost dwell, to whom Thou dost give Thyself in Thy Sacraments? Are not Thy torments at the hands of the Jews enough for them? Indeed, my Lord, we forfeit nothing in retiring from the world, for if [Christians] show Thee such disloyalty, what could we hope for? Do we merit better treatment from them? Have we done more for them than Thou hast done, that they should be friends to us? How is this? What do we hope for — we, who by the mercy of God have escaped this plague-spot? For these men are already the slaves of the devil. They have earned a bitter scourging from the hands of the fiend and have justly bought eternal fire with the pleasures he has given them. That must be their fate, though it breaks my heart to see so many souls lose themselves. Would that the evil were not so great: fain would I not see more and more ruined every day.⁷

4. O my sisters in Christ! help me to pray to our Lord for this! This is why we live here together, why the Lord has brought you here; it must be your work, the object of your longings; your tears and prayers must beg for this and not for any worldly matters. I laugh, and yet I grieve, at the intentions recommended to our prayers,— even such matters as to ask His Majesty for success in business matters and lawsuits concerning money, and this from people who I wish would beg God for grace to trample such things under foot. These people mean well; therefore, to tell the truth, I pray for them to God because of their piety in asking for it, although, for my part, I believe that He never listens to such prayers from me.

5. The world is in a fever;⁸ men wish, as it were, to condemn Christ again, for they suborn a thousand false witnesses against Him: they want to level the Church with the ground — and shall we waste our time in petitioning for that which, were it granted, might cost some soul its entrance into heaven? No, sisters, this is no time to ask God for what is of little moment. Were there no need to humour the weakness of human nature, which seeks for help everywhere (and, indeed, it would be well if we could help it in any way), I should wish it to be known that these are not the matters for which God is so fervently entreated within the convent of St. Joseph,