Chapter III

How the Convent of St Joseph at Medina del Campo came to be planned.

Well, when I was thinking anxiously over all these things, it occurred to me to seek the help of the Fathers of the Company of Jesus, who were in high esteem at Medina. As I have said in the account of the first foundation, these Fathers had guided my soul many years: and I always hold them in special reverence for the great good which they did me. I wrote what our Father General had enjoined on me to the Rector there, who happened to be the one who had heard my confessions for many years; as I said, although I did not give his name: it was Baltasar Alvarez, who is now Provincial. He and the others said they would do what they could in the matter: and they made great efforts to obtain the leave of the townspeople and of the Bishop — for it is always difficult to get leave to establish a house founded without endowment: and so the business took some days to arrange.

To see to this there went a priest, Julian of Avila, a great servant of God, singularly detached from the world and much given to prayer. He was chaplain of the convent in which I was living, and God had given him the same desires that He had given me; and so he has been a great help to me, as will presently be seen. Well, though I now possessed the licence, I had no house nor a penny to buy one, nor any securities on which to get credit. If the Lord did not give it, how could a pilgrim like me possess it? The Lord ordained that a very excellent girl for whom there had not been room at St Joseph's, hearing that another house was to be established,

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W came and asked me to take her in there. She had some money, very little, not enough to buy a house, but enough to rent one, and to help with the expenses of the journey. So we looked out for a hired house. With no more than this to depend upon, we set out from Avila, two nuns from St Joseph's and I, and four from the Incarnation, the convent of the mitigated Rule where I lived before St Joseph's was founded. Our chaplain, Father Julian of Avila, was with us.

When it was known in the town, there was a great deal of talk. Some said 1 was mad; others would wait to see the end of this nonsense. To the Bishop, as I was afterwards told, it seemed great folly, although at the time he did not let me know this, because, having a great affection for me, he did not like to hamper me or cause me pain. My friends gave me their opinion roundly: but I attached little weight to it; because to me that which they thought hazardous seemed so easy that I could not persuade myself that it could fail to turn out well.

When we left Avila I had already written to a Father of our Order, Fray Antonio de Heredia, to buy me a house. He was at that time Prior of St Anne's, a monastery of monks of our Order at Medina. He opened negotiations with a lady who was much attached to him, who had a house. Its walls were in a ruinous state, all but those of one apartment; but it was in a very good situation. She was so kind as to promise to sell it without demanding security for the payment, on the strength of his word alone: for we could not have given any security. The Lord ordered all this for us: and so they made the agreement. The walls of the house were in such a ruinous state that we had to hire another until it was repaired, for there was a great deal to be done to it.

T. F. 2 Then at the end of our first day's journey, it was already dark, and we were tired because of our bad equipage. As we were nearing the town by way of AreValo, there came out to meet us a friend of ours, an ecclesiastic, who had got rooms for us in the house of some devout women: and he told me privately that we should not get our house, because it was near a monastery of Augustinians, and they would resist our taking possession, and there would certainly have to be a law suit. 0, valame Dios! when Thou, 0 Lord, art pleased to give courage, how little does any opposition avail! Rather it seemed to encourage me, because I felt that if the devil was already beginning to make a disturbance, it must be because this convent would be to the Lord's service. Anyhow I asked him to say nothing, in order not to disturb my companions, especially the two¹ from the Incarnation; for the others would have gone through any troubles for my sake. One of those two was sub-prioress there, and the Sisters did all they could to stop her. Both of them were of good family; and they came against their relations' wish, for all the Sisters thought it absurd; with ample reason, as I afterwards saw. For when it is the Lord's will that I should found one of these houses, nothing seems able to get into my head which seems to me sufficient to make me give it up, until I have actually done it. Afterwards the difficulties present themselves to me all at once, as will presently be seen.

When we got to the lodging, I found that there was in the place a very great servant of God, a Dominican friar, who had heard my confessions while I was at St Joseph's. As in my account of that foundation I have spoken much of his goodness, I will here only say his name, the Master Fray Domingo Banez. He is very learned and wise, and I always took his advice. And to his thinking this was not so difficult a work as others that I had had to do: for the more anyone knows of God, the more easily he does God's work: and because he knew how gracious God had been to me in certain matters, and from what he had seen in the foundation of St Joseph's, it all seemed to him quite possible. It gave me great encouragement when I saw him; for I felt sure that with the help of his advice all would go well. Well, when he came, I told him in great secrecy what was going on: and he thougth we could speedily come to terms with the Augustinians. But to me any delay was distressing because I did not know what to do with so many nuns. All who were in our lodging soon heard everything: and so we all spent an anxious night.

Early in the morning the Prior of our Order, Fray Antonio, arrived, and said that the house which he had agreed to purchase would do for us, and had an entrance which we could turn into a little chapel with the help of some hangings. We determined to go there: to me at least it seemed the best thing: for the shorter the time the better, as we were out of our own convents; also, having learned my lesson in the first foundation, I feared some opposition. So my plan was that before any one got wind of it we should already have taken possession; so we determined to do it at once. The Master Father Fray Domingo agreed with us.

We arrived at Medina del Campo on the Vigil of the Assumption at midnight. We alighted at St Anne's, so as not to make any noise, and went on foot to the house. It was just the time when the bulls which were to fight next day were being driven to the enclosure, and it was a great mercy that some of them did not toss us. As for us, our minds were so taken up that I never thought of such a thing; but the Lord, Who is always mindful of those who are desiring — as I certainly was — to serve Him, kept us safe.

We arrived at the house and went into the patio². The walls looked to me very ruinous, but not so bad as by daylight I afterwards saw them to be. The Lord seems to have been pleased to blind that good Father so that he should not see how unfit it was to place the Blessed Sacrament there.

I went to see the entrance. There was a good deal of earth to be shovelled out, it had an open roof, and the walls were unplastered. The night was short; and we had only brought with us a few hangings, I think three, which were not nearly enough to cover the length of the entrance: and I did not know what to do, for I saw it was not fit to set an altar there. It pleased the Lord — for He desired that it should be done at once — that the lady's steward' had in his house a great deal of tapestry of hers, and some blue damask bedhangings: and she had told him to give us anything we wanted; for she was very good. When I saw such good garniture, I gave praise to the Lord, and so did the others. We did not know what to do for nails, nor could we buy them at that hour; but we hunted in the walls, and at last with a good deal of trouble we found plenty. Some put up the hangings; we nuns cleaned the floor: and we worked with such a will that when morning dawned the altar was set up, and the little bell in a passage; and mass was said at once. This sufficed to take possession: but as at the time we did not know this, we also had the Blessed Sacrament reserved. "We nuns saw mass through the chinks of a door opposite; for there was nowhere else for us to be.

Up to this time I was very happy: for it is my greatest pleasure to see one more church where the Blessed Sacrament is reserved. But my joy was shortlived; for when mass was over, I went to look at the patio through a little window, and I saw that all the walls were fallen to the ground in places, so that it would take many days to repair them.

Oh vdlame Dios! what anguish filled my heart when I saw His Majesty set in the street in a time of so much danger from these Lutherans³! And together with this arose in my mind all the difficulties which those who disapproved of our venture had spoken of, and I saw clearly that they were right. It seemed impossible to go forward with what I had begun: because, just as up till now all had appeared easy, since it was for God that it was done, so now I was tempted to think so little of His power that it seemed as if I had never received any grace from Him: my own littleness and impotence was all that was present to my mind; and when success depended on such a wretched creature, what could be hoped for? I think 1 could have borne it better had I been alone; but what was so dreadful was to think of my companions having to go home after the opposition which their departure had raised. It seemed to me too, that now this beginning had gone wrong, there was no possibility of all that I had understood our Lord meant to do further. And an added fear at once arose that what I had understood in my prayer was a delusion. This was not my least distress, but my greatest; because it made me exceedingly afraid that the devil had deceived me. Oh my God! what a thing it is to see a soul whom Thou art pleased to leave to suffer! Certainly, when I remember this misery and some others which I have suffered in these foundations, it seems to me that the bodily sufferings, severe though these have been, were nothing to be compared to them.

Of all this burden of distress which weighed me down I said nothing to my companions, because I did not want to give them any more distress than they already had. I went on in this unhappiness until the evening, when the Rector of the Jesuits sent a Father to see me, who greatly comforted and encouraged me. I did not tell him all my troubles, but only the distress which it was to find ourselves in the street. I began to see about finding a hired house, at whatever cost, to go into while this one was being repaired. Then I began to take comfort from seeing how many people came to the house, and that none of them found fault with our folly; which was a mercy: for I felt certain they would take away from us the Blessed Sacrament. Now I see that I was foolish and others were thoughtless in not consuming the Host: but at that time I thought that all would be undone if we did so.

For all we could do, we could not find a house in all the place: so I spent very troubled days and nights; for although I always had men to watch over the Blessed Sacrament, I was always anxious lest they should go to sleep; so I kept getting up in the night to look through the window, and I could see well because there was very bright moonlight. During all those days a great many people came; and not only were they not offended, but it moved their devotion to see our Lord again in an outhouse: and His Majesty, never tired of humbling Himself for our sake, did not seem to desire to leave it. It was not until after a week that a merchant who lived in a very good house, seeing our necessity, asked us to move to the upper part of it, to dwell there as in our own house. There was a great gilded hall there which he gave us for a chapel; and Dona Elena de Quiroga, a lady who lived close to the house which we had bought, a great servant of God, said she would help me to begin at once to make a chapel for the Blessed Sacrament to be reserved, and would also fit up the house for our enclosure. Other people gave us plenty of money for our food: but it was this lady who helped me most.

This being arranged, I began to be in peace, because where we were, we could be completely enclosed; and we began to say the office. And the good Prior made great haste about the house, taking a great deal of trouble. For all that, the work took two months, but it was done so well that we were able to live there fairly comfortably for some years; after that our Lord provided something better for us.

While I was there, I was always thinking over the monasteries of friars; and since, as I said, I had not one friar, I did not know what to do. So I determined to talk to the Prior about it in strict confidence, to see what he would advise; and so I did. When he heard of it he was very glad, and promised to be the first himself. I took this for a jest, and so I told him: for although he was a very good Brother, recollected and very studious and a lover of his cell, and was learned, I thought he would not have the energy, nor be able to endure the necessary hardships; for he was delicate, and not used to them. He earnestly assured me that he could: and he declared that, for some time, the Lord had been calling him to a stricter life; and so he had determined to join the Carthusians, and they had already promised to receive him. For all this, I was not quite satisfied, although I was glad to hear it: and I asked him to let us put it off for some time, during which he should practise the things which he would have to promise: and so he did. A year passed, during which he had to endure so many troubles and the persecutions of so many false accusations that it seemed our Lord desired to prove him: and he bore it all so well and made such progress that I gave praise to our Lord, and I thought His Majesty was preparing him for this.

A little later, there happened to come a young Father who had been studying at Salamanca. Another priest accompanied him, who told me great things of the life which this Father lived. His name was Brother John of the Cross. I gave thanks to our Lord. When I talked to the Father, I was much pleased with him. He told me that he also meant to become a Carthusian. I told him my projects, and earnestly begged him to wait until the Lord should give us a monastery, pointing out that if he meant to better himself, it would be a great gain to do so within his own Order, and much more to the Lord's service. He gave me his word that he would, if he had not to wait too long.

When I saw that I already had two friars⁴ to begin with, I thought the thing already done. However, as I was not altogether satisfied with the Prior, and also we had nowhere to commence in, I waited some time.

The Sisters kept growing in favour with the people, and gaining their affection; and, as I felt, justly: for they thought of nothing but how each could best serve our Lord. They went on exactly as at St Joseph's at Avila; for they had the same Rule and Constitutions. The Lord began to call some in the neighbourhood to take the habit; and He bestowed on them such great graces that it amazed me. May He be blessed for ever. Amen. For He seems to require nothing but to be loved, to love.

Footnotes

1. The Saint had said above that she took four from the Incarnation. Doubtless two of these were less to be trusted than the other two. [Or, more probably, the explanation is that, according to a limitation imposed by the General, she took only two, technically speaking: but two more had gone from the Incarnation to St Joseph's a few days before her departure. Eibera, bk. n. ch. vii. Tr.] ↩

2. [The house was built as an ordinary Spanish house, round a square court-yard or patio, into which all the windows looked. The entrance was something like that of an old English inn. Tr.] ↩

3. [Especially at Medina del Campo, in which, being one of the greatest foreign marts in Spain, there would always be merchants from the countries which had broken with Eome. Tr.] ↩

4. "A friar and a half" St Theresa used to call them, because of the diminutive stature and youth of St John of the Cross. ↩