Chapter XVI

In which, to the honour and glory of God, are narrated some things which took place in the Convent of St Joseph at Toledo.

It seems a good thing to narrate some instances of the practice of certain nuns in our Lord's service, so that those who come after may endeavour always to imitate these good beginnings.

Before the house was bought, there came in a nun, Anne of the Mother of God, who was about forty, and had spent all her life in the service of His Majesty. And although in her house and way of living there was no lack of comfort, for she was wealthy and lived alone, yet she chose rather the poverty and obedience of our Order, and so came to speak to me. She was far from strong: but when I saw a soul so good and so resolute I thought it a good beginning for a new foundation; and so I admitted her. It pleased God to give her much better health amidst her austerities and obedience than she had when she was in liberty and comfort.

What edified me, so that I mention her here, was that before the time for her profession, she made a deed of gift of all that she possessed — and she was very rich — to this monastery, as an act of almsgiving. I did not like her doing this, and was not willing to consent, telling her that perhaps either she might repent of it, or we might not be willing to let her be professed, so that it was a bad thing to do; although, if she should go away, we should not let her go without taking back what she had given us. I purposely made the worst of it: first, that it might not prove an occasion for some temptation; and next, to prove her spirit the better. She answered that, if this did happen, she would beg her bread for the love of God: and I could never get anything more out of her than that. She lived in great happiness and with much better health.

The nuns in this convent practised obedience and mortification to such a degree that, at one time when I was staying there, the Superior had to be very careful of her words, for even if she spoke without reflection the nuns would carry it out at once. Once they were looking at a pond there was in the garden, and the Superior said, "Now, suppose I told her (a Sister who was standing by) to throw herself in!" No sooner said than the nun was in, and got so wet that she had to change her clothes. I was there on another occasion, when the nuns were going to confession, and the one whose turn came next went, while she was waiting, to speak to the Superior¹. The Superior said, Why, how was this? was this a good method of recollection1? She should put her head into the well, and there think over her sins. The Sister understood that she was to throw herself into the well, and went off in such a hurry to do it that if they had not gone after her quickly she would have done it, thinking to do to God the greatest service in the world.

Other such things could be told, and instances of great mortification: so much so that it became necessary for certain learned men to explain to them the limits of obedience, and put restraints on them: for they were doing some out of the way things which, but for their good intention, would have been demerits rather than merits. This has occurred to me to say in this place; but it is not only in this convent, but in all, that such things are done that I could wish I myself had nothing to do with the nuns, that I might tell of them to the honour of our Lord in His handmaids.

While I was there, one of the Sisters was taken with mortal sickness. When she had received the Sacraments and Extreme Unction had been administered, her joy and peace were so great that we could speak to her almost as if she were in the next world, begging her to commend us in heaven to God and to the Saints to whom we had a devotion. A little before her death I went in to stay with her. I had been praying, to our Lord before the Blessed Sacrament to grant her a good death. When I went in, I saw His Majesty at her pillow, in the middle of the bed's head. He was holding His arms a little open, as though protecting her; and He said to me that I might be quite certain He would thus protect all the nuns who died in these convents, and that they need have no fear of temptations in the hour of death. This made me very recollected and comforted. After a little time I went and spoke to her, and she said, "Oh, Mother, what great things I have to see!" Thus she died, like an angel. And in some nuns who since then have died, I have observed a quietude and repose as if they were in a trance or in the prayer of quiet, shewing no sign of any temptation. So I trust that in the goodness of God He will give us this grace through the merits of His Son and of His glorious mother, whose habit we wear. Therefore, my daughters, let us strive to be true Carmelites, for our day's journey will soon be at an end: and if we realised the misery which many suffer at that hour, and the wiles and deceits with which the devil tempts them, we should highly esteem this gracious promise. -

One thing which comes into my mind I should like to tell you, because I knew the person concerned, who was in some way akin to kinsmen of mine. He was a great gambler, and he had a certain amount of learning, which the devil made use of to deceive him, beginning to make him believe that a deathbed repentance availed nothing. He held this so stoutly that in no wise could they prevail on him to make his confession: nothing sufficed. Yet the poor fellow was extremely repentant and sorry for his sinful life; but he said, what was the use of confessing when he knew that he was damned? His confessor, a learned Dominican, did nothing but argue with him, but to no purpose, the devil taught him such subtle answers. This went on some days, and the confessor did not know what to do: but he and others must have earnestly prayed to the Lord for him: for he found mercy from Him. When the disease, which was a pain in the side, became very severe, the confessor came once more, and he must have thought out more arguments to ply him with: but it would have availed little if the Lord had not had pity on him and softened his heart. When the confessor began to talk and reason with him, he sat up in bed as if he had not been ill, and said, " To make short, do you say that my confession may avail me? Well, then, I will make it." And he sent for a clerk or notary — I do not remember which — and made a solemn oath to gamble no more and to amend his life: of this they were to be witnesses. And he made a very good confession, and received the Sacraments with such devotion that, so far as we can judge, according to our faith, he was saved. May it please our Lord, my Sisters, that we may live our life as true daughters of the Virgin, and keep our Rule, that our Lord may give us this grace which He has promised us. Amen.

Footnotes

1. St Theresa wrote at first to speak to me, then scratched it out and wrote as in the text. ↩