Chapter XXIX

Of the Foundation of St Joseph's of our Lady of the Street, at Palencia, on King David's Day, 1580.

When I came away from making the foundation of Villanueva de la Jara, I was ordered by the Superior to go to Valladolid. This was at the request of the Bishop of Palencia, Don Alvaro de Mendoza, who had accepted and always befriended our first convent, St Joseph's, at Avila, and who always befriends the Order in all its concerns. He had now resigned the See of Avila and been translated to Palencia, and our Lord put it into his heart to have another convent of this holy Order founded there. When I got to Valladolid, I became so ill that they thought I should die; and the illness left me with so little energy, and feeling it so impossible to do anything that, although the Prioress of our convent at Valladolid, who was anxious the foundation should be made, urged me to it, she could not persuade me, nor did I think it reasonable; for the convent was to be founded without endowment, and I was told that the place was too poor to support it.

This foundation, together with one at Burgos, had been under consideration for about a year: and formerly I had not been so averse to it; but now, although I had gone to Valladolid for that very purpose, many were the difficulties I found. I do not know whether it was my severe illness and the weakness it had left, or whether it was the devil, seeking to hinder the good which has since been done. Indeed, it frightens and grieves me — and I often complain of it to our Lord — to see what a great share the poor soul has in the weakness of the body; so that it appears to have nothing to do but observe its rules, laid down according to its needs and sufferings. This seems to me one of the greatest troubles and miseries of this life, when the spirit is not so high as to master it. For I reckoned nothing to be ill and suffer great pain though it is a trial — if the soul is vigorous; for the soul knows that this comes from the hand of God and continues to praise Him. But to be on the one hand suffering and on the other inactive is a fearful state, especially for a soul which has experienced strong desires never to rest inwardly or outwardly, but wholly to employ itself in the service of its great God. There is no help for it in this state but in patience and the confession of its own wretchedness, and in resigning itself to God's will, to be made use of as He pleases and for what ends He pleases. This was my condition at that time: for although I was already convalescent, yet I was so weak that I had lost even the confidence which God is wont to give me when I have to begin any of these foundations. Everything seemed impossible to me. If at that time I had happened to meet with anyone to encourage me, it would have done me much good; but some only encouraged my fears, and others, though they gave me some hope, yet could not overcome my pusillanimity¹.

There happened to come that way a Father of the Company, Doctor Ripalda, a great servant of God, who at one time used to hear my confession. I told him how it stood with me, and asked him to tell me what he thought, for that I wished him to stand towards me in the place of God. He began to urge me on; and he told me that my cowardice carne just from old age. But I saw very well that this was not the case; for I am older now and not cowardly: and he too must have known this quite well, but said it to rebuke me and to shew me that it was not of God's sending. At that time the foundations of Palencia and of Burgos were being prepared for together, and I had nothing to make either with; but this had nothing to do with it, for I am used to beginning with less. Doctor Ripalda told me on no account to give it up. So had Baltasar Alvarez, a Provincial of the Company, told me, at Toledo; but at that time I was in good health. This was enough to have decided me: but, although it made a great difference, it did not altogether decide me; because, as I have said, either the devil or my sickness held me bound: still, I was the better for it. The Prioress of Valladolid helped me as well as she could, because she strongly desired the foundation at Palencia; yet she also had her fears when she saw me so lukewarm.

Now let the true fire come; for no human beings, not even servants of God, will do the work! Hence it may be seen over and over that it is not I who effected anything in these foundations, but He alone Who is Almighty.

One day, while in doubt and not resolved to make either foundation, I besought our Lord, just after I had made my Communion, to give me light, that I might do His will in everything: for my lukewarmness was not such as to make me falter one hair's breadth in this desire. Our Lord said to me, as it were reproaching me, What dost thou fear? When have I ever failed thee? What I have always been, that same am I now. Thou must not fail to make these two foundations. 0 Great God, how different are Thy words from human words! These words left me with such resolution and spirit that the

T. P. 15 whole world would not have been strong enough to oppose me;

and I began at once to set to work, and the Lord to give me

the means. I received two nuns, that we might have money

to buy a house. And, although people told me it was

impossible to live on alms in Palencia, it was as though they

had not told me: because, as to founding the house with an

endowment, I saw that at that time it could not be done;

and, since God commanded it to be founded, His Majesty

would provide. Accordingly, although my health was not

quite restored, I determined to go: in an inclement season

too, for I left Valladolid on Holy Innocents' Day in the

aforesaid year1. For a nobleman of Palencia, who had gone

to live elsewhere, had said he would lend us until Midsummer

Day a house at Palencia which he had rented. I wrote to a

Canon in the city, although I did not know him: but a friend

of his had told me that he was a servant of God, and I had a

presentiment that he would be of great assistance to us. For

our Lord Himself, as has been seen in the accounts of other

foundations, selects in every place some one to help us,

because His Majesty sees how little I can do. I wrote to beg

him to get the house left free for us — for it was tenanted — as

quietly as he could, and without saying who it was for:

because, although some of the chief people there had shewn

goodwill towards us, and the Bishop's goodwill was so great,

yet I knew it was on the safe side to let nobody know.

Canon Reinoso — for this was his name — did it so well that he not only had the house cleared for us, but we also found beds and many comforts abundantly provided; and indeed we needed them, for it was bitterly cold, and the preceding day had been difficult, with a fog so thick that we could hardly see one another. It is true, we rested but little until we had got

C1 1580. Tr.] the place ready for saying mass next day, before anyone knew we were there; because this is what I have found to be the best plan in making these foundations: for if things begin to be left to discussion, the devil disturbs everything; and although he cannot succeed in anything, he causes anxiety. So it was done; for early, just about dawn, an ecclesiastic named Porras, a great servant of God, who went with us, said mass, and also another priest, Agustin de Vitoria, a friend of the nuns at Valladolid, who had lent me money to furnish the house, and given us many comforts for the journey.

There went, counting myself, five choir nuns, and one who has been my companion this long time, a lay Sister, but such a true servant of God and so sensible that she can help me more than other Sisters can². That night we slept but little, although, as I say, the journey had been tiring because of the wet. I was much pleased at having the foundation made on that day, because it was the day on which King David is commemorated2, and I have a special devotion to him. That morning I at once sent to tell the Most Illustrious Bishop; for not even he knew that I had come that day. He came at once, with that great kindness which he has always shewn towards us. He said he would give us all the bread we wanted, and he told his steward to supply us with many things. The Order owes him so much that whoever reads the history of these foundations is bound to pray to our Lord for him, living or dead, and so I beg them to do of their charity.

The satisfaction shewn by the people was so great and so general as to be quite remarkable; for there was no one who was dissatisfied. The knowledge that it was the wish of the Bishop went a long way towards this, he being greatly beloved there: but the whole population is the most generous and of the best stuff that I have ever seen; and so I am more and more glad every day to have made a foundation there.

As the house was not our own, we began at once to see about buying another: for although that house was for sale, it was in a very bad situation. And, with what I had received from the nuns who were to go there, we seemed to have something to bargain with; for, though it was but little, it would go far at Palencia. However, if God had not given us the good friends He had sent us, nothing would have been of any use. The good Canon Reinoso brought us another, Canon Salinas, a friend of his, a man of great charity and good sense; and between them both, they took upon themselves the charge of the affair as if it had been their own, or even, I believe, more earnestly. And they have always continued to look after the interests of the house.

There was in the town a house held in great devotion, a sort of hermitage, dedicated to our Lady and called Our Lady of the Street. It was resorted to by a great many people, and held in reverence through all the town and the surrounding country. To his Lordship and to us all, it seemed that we should be well placed close to this chapel. There was no house belonging to it; but there were two next door which, if we bought them, would be large enough for us, together with the chapel. This the Chapter and a certain Confraternity would have to give up to us: and this we began to arrange. for. The Chapter at once made us a present of it, and although I had some difficulty in coming to an understanding with the people of the Confraternity, they also willingly did so: for, as I have said, if I have ever seen good people in my life, it is the people of Palencia. When the owners of the houses saw that we were disposed to buy them, they raised the price, very naturally. I thought well to go and see them: and to me and to those who went with us they seemed so poor that I would not on any account have them. Afterwards it was clearly seen that a good deal of this was the devil's doing, because it annoyed him that we should go there. To the two Canons who were acting for us it seemed too far from the cathedral; and so it is, but it is in the most thickly peopled part of the city. Finally we all agreed that that house would not do, and we must look for another.

This the two Canons began to do with a care and diligence which made me give thanks to the Lord, not letting anything go by which might chance to suit us. They came at last to be satisfied with one belonging to a man called Tamayo. Some parts of it were particularly well suited to our needs, and it was close to the house of one of the first gentlemen, Suero de Vega, who was very well disposed towards us, and who, together with others in that quarter, very much wished us to settle there. The house itself was not large enough, but with it he offered us another, although not such that we could very well join both together.

Any way, from the account they gave me of it, I wished the purchase to be effected; but the two men would not buy the house, unless I saw it first. I so much disliked going out in the town, and I so thoroughly trusted them, that they could hardly persuade me. At last I went, and also to the houses of our Lady; not, however, with any intention of buying them, but lest the owner of the other house should think that we had no choice but to buy his. They appeared, as I have said, to me and to the Sisters who went, so poor that now we cannot understand how they can have appeared so poor. In this mind we went to the other house, quite determined to have it and no other: and, although we found serious drawbacks, we passed over them, notwithstanding that it would be very difficult to overcome them; for in order to make the chapel — and a poor one too — we should have to lose all of the house that was well fitted to live in. What a strange thing it is to go into a matter with one's mind already made up! Indeed it taught me the lesson of how little I could trust to my own judgement — though on this occasion it was not I alone who was under a delusion. Any way, we came away determined to buy no other than that house, and to give the owner what he had asked, which was a great deal, and to write to him; (for he lived not in the town, but near it).

It may seem irrelevant to have given such a long account of the purchase of the house, until it is seen what the devil must have had in view, in hindering us from going to the house of our Lady. It frightens me every time I think of it. We all having made up our minds, as I have said, to buy no other house but that one, next morning at mass I began to be extremely anxious as to whether I had done right, arid the disquiet hardly let me remain tranquil during the whole of mass. I went to receive the Blessed Sacrament, and just as I received It, I heard these words, This is the right house for thee, in such a way that I quite determined not to buy the one I was thinking of, but the house of our Lady. I began to consider what a bad thing it would be to draw back in a negotiation which had gone so far, and which our zealous helpers had so much at heart. Our Lord answered me, They do not know how grievously I am offended in that place: and this will put it right.

It came into my mind to wonder whether this might be a delusion, but not to believe it so: for I well knew by the effect it worked in me that it was the Spirit of God. He said to me at once, It is I. These words left me quite calm, and rid of the commotion I had been in. Yet I did not know how to undo what had been done, and the bad account I had given my Sisters of that house; for I had made the most of its badness, and said that I would not for anything in the world have had them go there, without seeing it first. This> however, I did not so much concern myself about, because £ knew that whatever I did they would think right: but I was concerned about the others who wished to buy Tamayo'a house. I thought they would consider me light and changeable, since I had so quickly altered my mind — a thing which I greatly abhor.

These were not the sort of considerations to move me much or little to give up going to the house of our Lady; nor did I even remember that it was not a good one: for if the nuns could put a stop to one venial sin, all the rest was trifling in comparison; and any of them who knew what I knew, would have been of my mind.

The means I took was this: I was at that time going to confession to Canon Reinoso, one of our two helpers; but I had not hitherto spoken to him of spiritual matters of this sort, because there had been no occasion to do so. But, as I have been accustomed in these matters always to do what my confessor advises, as being the safest way, I determined to tell him this in great secrecy: although I could not feel sure that I should give up doing what I had been told without great heaviness of heart. But any way I should have done so: because I trusted in our Lord to do what in my experience He has often done — to change the confessor's mind, so that he may do what He desires, although his own judgement might be opposed. I told him first about the many times that our Lord had been used to teach me in this way, and that up to that time many things had happened which proved it to have been the work of His Spirit. Then I told him what had taken place; but said I would do what he thought right,, although it would give me pain.

He is very discreet and religious, and of good judgement in all sorts of matters, though he is young: and although he saw there would be remarks about the affair, he did not decide that I must give up doing what I had been told. I told him that we had better wait for our messenger's return, and he agreed: for I indeed trusted in God that He would set it right. And so it was: for the owner of the house, when we had consented to give him all he wanted and asked for, now asked three hundred ducats more, which was absurd, for it was excessive. So we saw that this was God's doing: for it was much to the man's interest to sell; and to ask more when the bargain was made was not the way to do so. This was a great help, for we told him that we should never come to terms with him: yet it did not altogether settle the matter, because it was clear that for a matter of three hundred ducats we ought not to give up a house which appeared suitable for a convent. I told my confessor not to concern himself about my credit, since in his opinion we should buy this house; but to tell his friend that, good or bad, cheap or dear, I was determined to buy the house of our Lady. His friend is of an exceedingly quick understanding; and, seeing so sudden a change, I feel sure that, although nothing was said to him, he guessed the cause; and so he pressed me no further in the matter.

Well have we all since seen the great mistake we should have made if we had bought the other: for now we are surprised to see the superior advantages of our present house. Let alone the greatest of all, which is easy to see — that there our Lord and His glorious Mother are served, and many occasions of sin removed: for as many nightly vigils were kept there, and as the chapel was only a hermitage³, many things might be done there which the devil was not pleased to have stopped; and we ourselves have the joy of being able to do some service to our Mother and Lady and Patroness. And very ill we should have acted if we had not gone there; for this was all we needed to take into account. It shews clearly how the devil blinds us in many matters; for in that house there are many conveniences which we should not have found elsewhere. Also it is the greatest satisfaction to all the inhabitants, who wanted us to go there: even some who did wish us to go to the other house afterwards quite approved of it. Blessed for ever be He Who gave me light therein! And if in any matter I happen to do well, it is He Who gives the light. For every day I am more astonished at the little ability I have for anything. And this must not be supposed to be humility; for every day I keep seeing it more plainly. For our Lord would seem to desire that I and everyone else should have to acknowledge that it is His Majesty alone Who does these works; but that, as He with clay gave sight to the blind man, so to so blind a creature as I He will find means of giving sight. Certainly in this matter I was, as I have said, very blind indeed; and every time I think of it, it makes me desire to thank our Lord afresh. But even this I cannot do; and I do not know how He can bear me. Blessed be His mercy! Amen.

Well then, those saintly friends of the Virgin at once made haste to buy the houses; and, in my opinion, they got them cheap. They worked hard. For in each one of these foundations it pleases God that there shall be some who do well in helping us; and I am the one who do nothing, as I have said elsewhere -and I never mean to leave off saying it, for it is the truth. They did a great deal, then, in getting the house ready, and in giving money towards it, because I had not enough; and also in becoming sureties for it. For in other places, until I can find a surety — and not for so large a sum either — I am always harassed: and it is very reasonable: for if they do not trust to our Lord for it, I myself have not a penny. But His Majesty has always been so gracious to me that no one has ever lost anything by trusting me, nor failed to be paid liberally: and I count that as a very great favour done me.

As the owners of the houses were not satisfied with those two as sureties, the Canons went to find the Vicar-general, whose name was Prudencio — at least so they tell me now, but I am not sure that I remember it; for, as we used to speak of him as the Vicar-general, I did not hear his name. He has been so good to us that we owed and still owe him much. He asked them where they were going; and they said, To find him, that he might sign the bond. He laughed and said,! Well, so this is the way you ask me to become surety for so large a sum? " And without getting off his mule, he signed it on the spot: a notable thing for such times as these. I cannot help speaking in great praise of the kindness I met with in Palencia, in general and in particular. Indeed it seemed to me just like the ways of the primitive Church — at any rate not at all usual now-a-days — that when we had no endowment and they had to provide us with food, they not only permitted us to come, but said that God was giving them the greatest privilege. And, looked at in the right light, that was true: for, if it were only the having one church more wherein is the Blessed Sacrament, it is a great thing.

May He be for ever blessed! Amen. For it is shewn more and more that it is His good pleasure to be there: and that unseemlinesses must have taken place, which have now been put a stop to: for as many people kept night-vigils there, and the hermitage was lonely, not all of them went out of devotion⁴. This is coming right. The image of our Lady was in a very unfitting place. The Bishop, Don Alvaro de Mendoza, built a chapel for it; and, little by little, things are coming to be done to the honour and glory of the glorious Virgin and of her Son. May He be praised for ever! Amen, Amen.

Then when the fitting up of the house was finished, ready for the nuns to go in, the Bishop wished their entry to be made with great solemnity, and so it was done on the Octave of Corpus Christi. He himself came from Valladolid, and he was attended by the Chapter and the Religious Orders and almost all the people of the place, with a great deal of music. We all went in procession from the house where we were, in our white cloaks, with our veils over our faces, to a parish church close to the house of our Lady. There her image itself met us, and thence we took the Blessed Sacrament and set It in our chapel with great ceremony and solemnity, which stirred up much devotion. Some more nuns went with us who had gone there to make the foundation at Soria; and we all had candles in our hands. I believe our Lord was greatly praised that day at Palencia. May He grant that all creatures may so praise Him for ever! Amen.

While I was at Palencia, it pleased God that the separation of the Barefoot Carmelites from the Carmelites of the Mitigated Rule should take place, making them a separate province, which was all that we desired for our peace and quiet. At the request of our Catholic king, Don Philip, a very ample Brief was brought from Rome to effect this: and his Majesty helped us very greatly, as he had done from the beginning. A Chapter was held at Alcalá by mandate of a Reverend Father, Fray Juan de las Cuevas⁵ a Dominican, who was at that time Prior at Talavera. He was appointed from Rome on the King's nomination. He was a saintly and wise person, as was fitting for such an office. The King bore the cost of the Chapter, and at his command the whole University shewed kindness to the friars.

The Chapter was held at St Cyril's, our College of Barefoot friars at Alcala, and in great peace and concord. They elected as Provincial Father Master Fray Jerónimo Gracian of the Mother of God. Those Fathers will narrate elsewhere what took place there; so I need not speak of it here. I have mentioned it because it was while I was founding the house at Palencia that our Lord brought to pass an event so closely concerning the honour and glory of His glorious Mother, as it concerned her Order, she being our Lady and Patroness. And it gave me one of the greatest happinesses and satisfactions I could have in this life. For the troubles and persecutions and distresses which I had gone through for more than twentyfive years would take too long to tell; and our Lord alone can enter into' them. And" now to see the end of them all, no one who did not know the troubles I had undergone could understand the joy which filled my heart, or the desire which possessed me that all the world should praise our Lord, and that we should pray for our saintly king Don Philip, through whose instrumentality God had brought our affairs to so good an end. But for him, all would have been ruined, so cunningly had the devil gone to work.

Now we are all in peace, Mitigated and Reformed: no one hinders us in the service of our Lord. Therefore, my Brothers and Sisters, since His Majesty has so graciously heard your prayers, up and haste to serve Him! Let the present generation, who are eyewitnesses of it, consider the mercies He has done us and the troubles and disquiet from which He has delivered us: and those who are to come after, since they find the way made plain, let them, for the love of our Lord, never suffer a single thing which belongs to perfection to slip away. Let it not be said by their fault as is said of some Orders, that their beginning was praiseworthy⁶. Now we are beginning: but let them try to keep on beginning to go on from good to better continually. Let them remember that the devil keeps using very small faults with which to bore holes through which the very greatest may find entrance. Let them never catch themselves saying, "This does not matter: they are over particular." Oh my daughters, everything matters which hinders our progress. For the love of our Lord I entreat them to remember how soon all will be over, and what a mercy our Lord has done us in leading us into this Order, and what a heavy penalty will be incurred by anyone who initiates any relaxation. Nay, let them keep their eyes ever fixed on the race of holy prophets from which we are sprung. What Saints have we in heaven who wore this habit! Let us aspire with a holy audacity, by the grace of God, to be ourselves like unto them. Short will be the battle, my Sisters; the issue is eternal. Let us put aside those things which are really nothings, for only those are realities which lead us to our true end, to serve and love Him more, seeing He liveth for evermore. Amen. Amen. To God be thanksgivings!

JESUS

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Footnotes

1. [In that year, 1580, there swept through Europe a disease very much like the present influenza: and it was this which St Theresa caught at Valladolid. It seems to have been like influenza, at any rate in her case, in its peculiar sequelae of depression and lack of energy. Tr. ] ↩

2. The Venerable Anna of St Bartholomew, who went about with her until her death and acted as her secretary. It is told of her that she did not know how to write, and St Theresa happened to say that if she did, she could be of use to her. She begged the Saint to write out some lines for her; and by tracing them over and over, she taught herself to write in one night. There are preserved several letters in her writing signed by St Theresa. a [Dec. 29, kept as the Feast of St Thomas of Canterbury, with a commemoration of King David. Tr.] 15—2 ↩

3. [Being in the midst of a town, it was not, properly speaking, a hermitage, but it was on the footing of one. The abuses of such chapels hinted at in the text caused them to be suppressed from time to time. Tr.] ↩

4. Probably these abuses did not completely cease even after the nuns were settled there: for they left the house ten years later, but this may have been partly on account of some difficulty with the Confraternity. The Jesuits took the chapel and enlarged the church, and it continued to be a much frequented place of worship. ↩

5. His real name was Juan Velasquez de las Cuevas, but he was usually called by his mother's surname, Juan de las Cuevas. His family was of Coca. He was a Brother of the Monastery of St Stephen at Salamanca. He was made Bishop of Avila in 1596, and died ten years later. ↩

6. A euphemism, implying that later the developments are not so. ↩