Chapter IV

Which treats of certain graces which the Lord bestows on the nuns in these convents, and gives counsel to the prioresses in dealing with them.

As I do not know how long a life the Lord may give me, nor what time for writing, and now I seem to have a little, it seems a good thing, before going any further, to set down some instructions so that Prioresses may understand their office, and may guide their nuns to the greater profit of their souls, although less to their own satisfaction.

It must be remembered that, when I was ordered to write the history of these foundations, there were — besides the first, that of St Joseph's at Avila, whose story was written immediately— seven monasteries founded, by the help of our Lord, including that of Alba de Tormes, which was the last of them. The reason why more were not founded was that my superiors set me to another work, as will be seen later.

It is from considering the course of spiritual affairs in those monasteries during these years that I have seen the need of saying what I am going to say. May it please the Lord that it may succeed in meeting that need! And since the things which have taken place are not delusions, people's minds must not be alarmed: for, as I have said elsewhere in certain little writings1 I have made for the Sisters, if we proceed in obedience and with a clear conscience, the Lord never allows Satan so free a hand that he can injure our soul by deceiving us. On the contrary, it is he who finds himself deceived; and, as he is aware of this, I do not believe he does us so much harm as our own imaginings and evil tempers, especially melancholic tempers. Women are weak by nature, and the selflove which prevails in us is very subtle. Thus many people have come to me, both men and many women, as well as the nuns of these houses, in whom I could plainly see that, without intending it, they often deceived themselves. I quite believe that the devil may take part in this to mock us: but of the many of these women whom, as I say, I have myself seen, there are none that I know of who, by the Lord's goodness, have not been kept safe. May be He is pleased to try them with these failures that they may come out wiser. Prayer and perfection, through our sins, are so decayed in the world that it is necessary to make this plain statement. For if people are afraid to walk in this way even when they do not see its dangers, how will it be if we should shew them some? Although indeed there is really danger everywhere; and so long as we live we shall always have to walk in fear, and to entreat the Lord to teach us and not to forsake us. But, as I think I have said before, if there is one way which is less dangerous than another, it is the way of those who attain most nearly to keeping God in mind and to seeking to live in perfection.

0 my Lord, when I see that Thou dost often deliver us even from the dangers into which we run by going against Thy 1 [The Way of Perfection, ch. LXX. Tr.] will, how can I believe that Thou wilt not deliver us when we are caring for nothing but to please Thee and find our joy in Thee? I can never believe this. It may be that God for some other hidden ends may permit certain things to fall out thus and thus. But good has never brought evil. So that such falls may serve to make us walk on our way better, to please our Spouse the better and find Him the sooner, but not to make us give up the journey; to animate us to walk bravely through the rugged passes of this life, but not to make us cowards for the rest of it. For if we walk humbly, in the end, through God's mercy, we shall arrive at that city of Jerusalem where all that we have endured will appear little or nothing in comparison with our joy there.

Well, when these little dovecotes of our Lady the Virgin began to be filled, His Divine Majesty began to shew His greatness in these poor women, weak in themselves, but strong in their desires and in their detachment from all created things. And this must be what most closely unites a soul with its Creator, given a conscience void of offence. This condition I need hardly mention: because if the detachment is sincere, I think it is not possible for a soul that has it to offend the Lord: and as the soul in all its sayings and doings is unchangeably centred in God, so His Majesty seems to be unwilling to withdraw His presence from it. This is what I see at the present time, and I can say it with all truth. Let those who come hereafter and read this be in fear: and if they do not see what may be seen now, let them not put it down to the times; for it is always a time when God will give great graces to anyone who serves Him truly. And let them try to see whether there is any failure in this, and amend it.

I have sometimes heard it said about the early days of Orders that, because those our Saints of old were the founda- tions of the edifice, the Lord gave them more abundant graces. So it is. But it must be remembered that they were the foundation for those who should come after. And if we who are now living did not fall away from the holiness of the past, and those who shall come after us likewise, the building would always stand firm. What good is it to me that the Saints of old were such as they were, if I, coming after, am so bad that I leave the building ruined with my evil ways? For it is plain that new comers do not think so much about those who lived a long time ago as about those whom they actually see. A fine thing indeed to put down my badness to my not being one of the first; and not to lay to heart the difference there is between my life and virtues and that of the founders to whom God granted such great graces! Alas, my God! how crooked are these excuses, how glaring these delusions!

I am not speaking of the founders of Orders: for, as God chose them for a great work, He gave them greater grace. It is a distress to me, 0 my God, to be so bad, and of so little use in Thy service; but well do I know that it is my own fault that Thou givest me not the graces which Thou gavest to those who have gone before me. It grieves me, 0 Lord, when 1 compare my life with theirs; and I cannot say it without tears. I see that I have wasted what they laboured for; but in no wise can I complain of Thee. Nor is it right that any of us should complain; but that if we should see our Order in any way decaying, we should each try to become a stone such that it may serve for building up the edifice again: for the Lord will give His aid in this.

Then to return to what I was saying — for I have made a long digression — the graces which the Lord gives in these houses are so great that, though there may be one of the Sisters whom the Lord is leading by the way of meditation only, all the rest are arriving at perfect contemplation, and some advanced as far as raptures. To some the Lord gives grace in a different manner, together with revelations and visions which can clearly be known to have come from God, At the present time there is not one house where there are not one or two or three such nuns. I know very well that this is not what sanctity consists in: nor is it my object only to praise them, but rather to shew that the instructions which I intend to write down are not beside the mark.