Chapter V

In which certain cautions are given concerning prayer and revelations. It is profitable reading for those who are occupied in active work.

I do not intend or suppose that what I am now going to say will be so precise as to afford an infallible rule: that would be folly in matters so difficult. But, as there are many ways in the way of the Spirit, it may be that I shall succeed in explaining some points of some of them. If those who are not walking by that way do not understand me, that will be because they are going by another way. And if I do no good to anybody, the Lord will accept my good will; for He knows that if I have not experienced it all myself, yet I have observed it in other souls.

In the first place I want to shew, according to my poor understanding, what is the essence of perfect prayer: for I have met with some people who suppose that the whole matter consists in thoughts; and if, even though by doing themselves great violence, they can for the most part keep their thoughts on God, they at once think themselves spiritually minded. And if they cannot help being distracted, even though it may be on account of right things, they are at once dreadfully unhappy and think themselves lost. Learned men do not suffer from these mistakes and ignorances — though indeed I have met with one who did so — but we women need to be warned of all such ignorances. I do not deny that it is a gift from the Lord to be able to meditate continually on His works, and it is good to make the attempt. But it must be borne in mind that not all minds are able by nature to do this, but all souls are able to love Him; and that perfection consists in loving Him rather than in thinking. I have elsewhere spoken of the causes of this wandering of the mind — of some, at least; not of all, for that would be impossible— so I will not speak of it here: but I want it to be understood that the soul is not thoughts; nor ought the will to be controlled by them, for it would be in evil case, as I have said above: because the soul's good does not consist in thinking much, but in loving much. And if you ask, How is this love to be gained? I answer, By a soul's resolving to work and suffer for God, and doing so when it gets an opportunity.

It is quite true that reflecting on what we owe to the Lord, what He is, and what we are, is efficacious in fixing the soul's determination; and that this is an excellent practice, and very helpful in the beginnings. But with this provisothat this exercise does not interfere with matters of obedience or of the good of our neighbour which charity requires of us. For in such cases, either of these two things has the first claim on our time, and we must give up what we crave to give to God; that is to say, the meditating on Him in solitude and rejoicing in the joys which He gives us. To give up this for either of those two things is to give joy to the Lord; and it is done for Him, as He said with His own mouth, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of these little ones, ye have done it unto Me. And as to matters of obedience, He would not have us walk in any other way than the way in which He Himself was well pleased to walk. Follow Him, for He was obediens usque ad mortem¹.

Then if this is really true, whence comes that vexation which we mostly feel when we have not spent a great part of the day quite alone and absorbed in God, although we were all the time occupied in works of obedience and charity? From two sources, I think. The first and chief, from a self-love which is here so very subtly mingled that we do not perceive that it is ourselves we are wanting to please rather than God. For it is clear that when a soul is beginning "to taste and see how gracious the Lord is," it must be more to its taste to be enjoying this communion, and the body not toiling but at rest.

Oh the charity of those who sincerely love our Lord and know their own state! How little rest can they take if they see that they can ever so little help a single soul to advance and love God more, or can in any way comfort it or liberate it from any danger! How little rest could such an one take in any selfish repose! And when he cannot help by deeds, he will by prayers, pleading with the Lord for the many souls which he grieves to see being lost. Such a soul loses its own enjoyment and counts it well lost, because it does not think about its own happiness but about how best to do the Lord's will.

So it is also in matters of obedience. It would be unseemly behaviour if God plainly told us to go and do something which He wanted done; and we would riot, but remained gazing upon Him because that was more to our pleasure. A fine advance in the love of God, to bind His hands by believing that He can do us good in only one way! Besides what I myself, as I have said, have experienced, I know several people with whom I have conversed, who taught me this truth, when I was troubled at having so little time myself, and so was sorry for them when I saw them continually occupied in business and many affairs laid upon them in obedience. And I thought within myself, and even said so to them, that in such a racket it was not possible to grow in spirituality — for at that time they had no large measure of it. 0 Lord, how different are Thy ways from what we imagine! When a soul is simply set upon loving Thee and is left in Thy hands, Thou requirest of it nothing but to obey, and carefully to learn what is most to Thy service, and to desire this. It has no need to seek out its own paths or choose them: for its will is simply Thine. Thou, 0 my Lord, takest upon Thyself the charge of guiding it in the way that is best for it. And even if the Superior does not concern himself about our soul's good, but only about getting the business done which he thinks is for the Community's good, Thou, 0 my God, dost keep our soul, and dost continually dispose it and its doings in such wise that, without our knowing how, but only faithfully obeying our orders for God's sake, we presently find ourselves so much better and more spiritually minded that we are filled with wonder.

So it was in the case of someone to whom I was talking a few days ago. For about fifteen years his obedience had laid upon him such hard work in offices and the oversight of others that in the whole of that time he could not remember that he had had one day to himself; although he secured some time in the day, as best he might, for prayer and to keep his conscience clear. He is one of the most obediently disposed souls that I ever saw, and so he communicates that virtue to all whom he has to do with. The Lord has well rewarded him: for, without knowing how, he finds himself to have gained that liberty of spirit, so greatly prized and desired, which is possessed by the perfect, wherein lies all the felicity that can be desired in this life; because, seeking nothing, he possesses all things. Such souls neither fear nor desire anything upon earth; troubles do not perturb them, nor do pleasures excite them: whatever may happen, no one can take away their peace, for it rests on God alone; and as no one can take away God from them, nothing can cause them anxiety but the fear of losing Him: for everything else in the world is to them as though it were not, for it can neither make nor mar their happiness. Oh blessed obedience, and blessed distraction for obedience's sake, which can win so great a good! That person is not the only one I have known: for there have been others like him, whom I had not seen for many years; and when I asked them how these years had been spent, it was all in works of obedience and charity, and on the other hand I could see that they had made most marvellous progress in spiritual things.

Well then, my daughters, let there be no repining, but when obedience keeps you employed in exterior works, remember that even if it is in the kitchen, the Lord walks among the pitchers, aiding us both in body and soul.

I remember a monk's telling me that he had resolved and firmly made up his mind that he would never refuse anything which the Superior might require of him, whatever trouble it gave him. And one day he had been working so hard that he was quite done up and could hardly stand, and he was going to

T. F. 3 sit down and rest a little. It was already late. The Superior met him and told him to take the spade and go and dig in the garden. He kept silence, although it seemed hard to the flesh, because he did not know how he should get through it. He took the spade and was going into the garden by a path which I saw many years after he told me this; for I happened to be founding a house in that town. There our Lord appeared to him with the cross on His shoulders, so wearied and worn out that he very well could see his own fatigue was nothing in comparison of that.

I believe that it is because the devil sees there is no way which leads more quickly to the highest perfection than that of obedience, that he sets up in it so many distastes and difficulties under the colour of good. Let this be carefully thought over, and it will be seen clearly that what I say is true. As to what constitutes the highest perfection; it is clear that it is not interior satisfaction, nor great raptures, nor visions, nor the spirit of prophecy, but it is the entire conformity of our will to the will of God, so that there is nothing which we see He desires which we do not also desire with our whole will, and we accept the bitter as cheerfully as the sweet, when we see it to be His Majesty's good pleasure. This seems exceedingly difficult — not the mere doing God's will, but the taking pleasure in what is wholly and entirely contrary to our own natural wishes. And so indeed it is. But love, if it is perfect, has virtue to make us forget our own pleasure in the pleasure of pleasing one whom we love. And as a matter of fact so we find it; for when we see we are pleasing God, even the greatest sufferings become sweet to us: and those who have attained to this state love God thus amidst persecutions and dishonours and wrongs.

This is so certain, and is so well known and plain, that I need not dwell on it. What I wish to shew is the reason why, as I think, obedience acts most quickly or is the chief means there is of attaining to this so blessed condition. It is this. As we are by no means masters of our own will, so as to be able to employ it purely and simply and wholly for God, until we have subjected it to reason, so obedience is the true way thus to subject it. For this cannot be done by good reasons, because our natural temperament and our self-love produce so many that we should never arrive there: and they very often make what is most reasonable seem unreasonable, if we are not inclined to it, only because we are not inclined to act on it. (I had so much to say here that we should never get done with this internal contest and with describing all that the devil, the world, and the flesh do to warp our reason.) What, then, can be done? This: that just as in a very doubtful matter of law, the litigants, weary of strife, choose an arbitrator and put the matter into his hands; so should our soul choose one, whether Superior or confessor, resolving to strive no longer nor take thought for itself, but to trust the Lord's words when He said "He that heareth you heareth Me," and to put aside its own will. Our Lord counts this submission a great thing; and justly so, because it makes Him master of the free will which He has given us. So we exercise ourselves in this; and, sometimes completely conquering ourselves, sometimes with a thousand conflicts, thinking what is decided for us foolish, we come to submit ourselves to what is enjoined on us, through this painful exercise; but, painfully or not, at last we do it. And the Lord on His part aids us greatly, so that just as we come to submit our will and reason for His sake, so He makes us masters of them. Then, being masters of ourselves, we are able to give ourselves over perfectly to God, offering Him a pure will that He may unite it to His own; beseeching Him to send down the fire of His love from heaven to consume the sacrifice, giving up everything which might displease Him; because now there is nothing left to us which, although with sore struggles, we have not laid on the altar, so that, so far as in us lies, it no longer touches the earth.

It is plain that no one can give what he does not possess; but he must needs first possess it. Then believe me, there is no better way of winning this treasure than by digging and toiling to get it out of the mine of obedience; for the more we dig the more we shall find; and the more we submit ourselves to human beings, having no will but that of our betters, the more we shall be masters of our will so as to be able to conform it to the will of God.

See now, Sisters, whether the giving up the pleasure of solitude is not amply rewarded. I can tell you that the lack of solitude will be no hindrance to you in training yourselves for the attainment of that true union which, as I have said, consists in making my will one with the will of God. This is the union which I myself desire, and would wish you all to possess, and not occasional very enjoyable raptures which take place, to which people give the name of union: and they will really be union, if afterwards the condition which I have described ensues. But if when the suspension is over, very little obedience is found, and self-will remains, then I think the self-will will be united to self-love and not to the will of God. May His Majesty grant that I may practise what I know in this matter!

The second source of this dislike is, I think, that, as in solitude there are fewer occasions of offending God, — some there always must be, as the evil spirits and ourselves are never absent — the soul seems to keep itself purer: and if it is apprehensive of offending Him, it is a great comfort not to have occasions of stumbling. And certainly this seems to me a more adequate reason for wishing not to converse with anyone than the former — the great delights and spiritual sweetnesses which solitude affords.

x,^

Here, my daughters, is where true love is to be seen: not in corners, but in the midst of temptations. And believe me that although there may be more faults committed, or even some slight falls, yet our gain is incomparably greater. Remember, in what I say it is always taken for granted that it is in obedience and for charity's sake that you go into temptation. If not, I grant that solitude is best. And indeed we ought to be desiring it even while we are doing as I say. In truth this desire is ever present in souls which really love God.

I say that it is a gain for this reason — that it makes us see what we are, and how much our strength is capable of. For when a person is continually in solitude, however saintly he may seem to himself to be, he does not know whether he has any patience or humility, nor has he any means of knowing. It is as if a man were very valiant, how could he know it if he had not proved it in battle? St Peter was sure he was so, but see what he was when the temptation came! But he came out from that fall with no trust in himself, and from that he went on to put his trust in God, and afterwards suffered martyrdom, as we know.

Alas, my God, if we only knew how great is our wretchedness! If we do not know it, there is danger in everything: therefore it is good for us to be made to do things which shew us how abject we are. And I consider one day of humbling knowledge of ourselves which has cost much sorrow and pain to be a greater boon from our Lord than many days of prayer: how much more when the true lover loves wherever he is, and always keeps his beloved in mind! It would be a poor thing if prayer could be carried on only in corners. I myself find that- 1 cannot now spend many hours in it. But, 0 my Lord, how powerful before Thee is one sigh, sent forth from a spirit which is troubled because not only are we in exile, but have not even opportunities of being alone, that we might enjoy communion with Thee!

This is what shews .clearly that we are His bondservants, for love of Him willingly sold to the virtue of obedience, since for its sake we give up, in a measure, the joy of communion with God Himself. But that is nothing, when we consider that He in obedience came from the bosom of the Father to become our bondservant. How then can this gift be repaid or requited! We must walk warily in our active works, even of obedience and charity, lest we should be careless, not continually turning to God in our inmost heart. But believe me, what helps a soul to advance is not the spending long hours in prayer, but it is a great help to be employed also in active works, so that the soul is better disposed to enkindle its love in a very short space of time than by spending many hours in meditation. All must come from His hand. May He be blessed for ever and ever!

Footnotes

1. [Phil. ii. 8. Tr.] ↩