Chapter XXVII

Of the Foundation at Caravaca, on the first of January 1576. The Convent was dedicated to St Joseph.

When I was at St Joseph's of Avila, prepared to start for the foundation at Veas of which I have spoken, and ready all but putting on the clothes we were going in, there arrived a special messenger, sent by a lady of Caravaca named Dona Catalina¹ because there had come to her house, after a sermon they had heard preached by a Father of the Company of Jesus, three young ladies, resolved not to leave the house until a convent should be founded in the town. It must have been arranged beforehand between them and the lady, for she it was who helped them towards the foundation. They were daughters of the foremost gentlemen of the town. The father of one of them was Rodrigo de Moya², a very great servant of God, and of excellent judgement. Between them all they had enough money to attempt such an undertaking. They had heard of the work which our Lord was doing in the founding of our convents, for they had been told by Fathers of the Company of Jesus, who always have helped and furthered it.

When I saw the fervent desire of these souls, and that they were coming from so far to seek the Order of our Lady, it stirred me and made me wish to further their good intention. And hearing that Caravaca was near Veas, I took with me more nuns than I had been about to take, intending to go on there, when the foundation of Veas was accomplished; for, from the letters, I thought this other foundation could not fail to be arranged.

But as the Lord had appointed otherwise, my plans were of little avail, as I have said in my account of the foundation at Seville: for when the licence of the Council of Orders was brought, it was so made out that, although I had already settled to go, I did not. It is true that when, at Veas, I found out where Caravaca was: and found that it was so out of the way and such a bad road from one place to the other that those who had to visit the nuns would have trouble in doing so, and that the superiors would not be best pleased, I felt very little inclination to go and found there. But, as I had given them good hopes of it, I begged Father Julian of Avila and Antonio Gaytan to go there and see how matters stood, and to break it off, if they thought fit.

They found the affair very lukewarm, not on the part of the intending nuns, but on that of Dona Catalina, on whom the whole thing turned. She was keeping them in an apartment by themselves as being already enclosed.

The nuns were so resolute — I mean those who purposed to be nuns — and knew so well how to gain over Father Julian of Avila and Antonio Gaytan, that before they came away they left the papers signed, and came away leaving the nuns well contented: and they came back so full of the country and of the nuns and of the mishaps of their journey³ that they could not stop talking about it.

When I saw that it was already settled, but the licence was long in coming, I sent the good Antonio Gaytan back again; and he took all this trouble with a very good will, out of affection for me. Besides, those two had a mind that the convent should be founded: for indeed, it is they who are to be thanked for this foundation; for if they had not gone and arranged for it, I should not have cared to make it. I told him to go and put up a turn⁴ and gratings wherever they were going to take possession; and that the nuns should stay there until a suitable house could be found. So he stayed there some time: and Rodrigo Moya, who, as I have said, was the father of one of the girls, gave them part of his own house. And Antonio Gaytan stayed there some time arranging this with a very good will.

When they brought the licence and I was upon the point of starting, I found that the licence provided that the house should be subject to the Knights Commanders, and the nuns be under their obedience: a thing which was not in my power to do, since it was to be a house of the Order of our Lady of Carmel. So they went back to petition afresh for a licence: for otherwise there was no means of having a house either there or at Veas. But the King was so gracious to me that, on my writing to him, he ordered the licence to be given. For the King, who is Don Felipe, takes pleasure in doing benefits to members of Religious Orders, and understands that they ought to keep their Rule; and as he had heard of the customs of our monasteries and that they kept the primitive Rule, he has shewn us favour in every matter. Therefore, daughters, I earnestly beseech you always to make special supplications for his Majesty, as we do now.

Well, as they had to go back again for the licence, I started for Seville by command of the Father Provincial, who, as I have said, was then and still is Father Master Fray Jerónimo Gracian of the Mother of God. And there were the poor damsels shut up until the New Year's Day following: and it was February when they sent to Avila. Shortly after my departure the licence came: but I was so far away and with so much to do, that I could not help them. I was very sorry for them: for they often wrote to me mournfully; and so at last I could not bear to make them wait longer. Since it was impossible for me to go, being so far away, and the foundation at Seville not being completed, Father Master Fray Jerónimo Gracian, who, as I have said, was the Apostolic Visitor, agreed that, although I could not go, the nuns should go who were destined for that foundation, and had been staying at St Joseph's at Malagon.

I had arranged that one should be prioress whom I could trust to do very well, for she is much better than me; and they started, taking every precaution, with two of our Discalced Fathers: for Father Julian of Avila and Antonio Gaytan had returned to their own places some time ago; and I did not want them to go, because it was so far and such a bad time of year, being the end of December.

When the nuns arrived, they were received with great joy by the people, especially by the girls who were shut up. They founded the Convent, bringing in the Blessed Sacrament, on the Day of the Name of Jesus⁵, 1576. Two of the girls took the habit immediately. The other had a very melancholic temperament, and it must have been bad for her to be shut up at all, how much more in such great strictness and austerity. She agreed to go home again with a sister of hers.

Consider, my daughters, the judgements of God, and under what obligation we are to serve Him, when He has allowed us to persevere up to our Profession and to remain ever in the house of God and as daughters of. the Virgin. For His Majesty made use of this girl's good will and of her wealth; and just at the moment when she should have entered into the enjoyment of what she had so greatly desired, her courage failed her and she was overcome by her natural dispositionon which, daughters, we often put the fault of our failings and ficklenesses. May it please His Majesty to grant us the abundance of His grace: for with this, there will be nothing which can hinder our steps in advancing continually in His service. And may He defend us all and be favourable to us, lest through our weakness might be wasted a beginning so great as He has been pleased should be initiated by such a poor sort of women as we. In His Name I entreat you, my sisters and daughters, always to entreat this of our Lord; and so let each do of those who come hereafter, for each is making a new beginning of keeping this primitive Rule of the Order of our Lady the Virgin: and in no wise consent to any relaxation. Consider that by very small things the door is opened to very great ones, and that, without your observing it, the world will be coming in upon you.

Call to mind in what poverty and trouble has been established that which you now enjoy at your ease. And if you take notice, you will see that most of these houses have been founded, not so much by man as by the mighty hand of God: and that His Majesty takes pleasure in carrying forward His own works, if they are not hindered by us. Whence think you that an insignificant woman like me could have had power to do such great works, being under obedience and without so much as a maravedi or any one who could help me with anything? (For that brother of mine who helped in the foundation at Seville, having some money and a good heart and a mind to give some help, was in the Indies.) Behold, behold, my daughters, the hand of God. And then the favour shewn me has not been on account of illustrious birth: in every way, however you please to look at it, you will see that it is His work. It is not right that we should in any way lower it, even if it cost us our life, esteem, or peace. How much more when here we possess all these together! For life is to live in such wise that neither death is feared nor any chances of this life, and to abide in the habitual joy which now is common to you all, and a prosperity than which none can be greater, which is, to desire poverty instead of fearing it. Then what can be compared to the inward and outward peace in which you live? In your own- hands it is to live and die in it, as you see those nuns die whom we have seen dying in these houses. Wherefore if you always pray to God to further the work and in no wise trust in yourselves, He will not deny you His mercy, if you have confidence in Him, and courageous souls: for His Majesty loveth such.

Fear not that you will lack anything. If you are satisfied with the motives and abilities of those who come to be nuns, and that they are coming not for their own advantage, but in order to serve God more perfectly, and if they are endowed with virtues, never hold back from receiving them because they are not endowed with this world's goods. For from some other quarter God will send you double what you would have received from them. I have great experience in this. Well does His Majesty know that, so far as I can remember, I have never held back from receiving anyone for want of money, if otherwise I was satisfied with her. Witness the many who have been received for God's sake alone, as you know. And I can assure you that it has not given me so much pleasure when I have received one who has brought in much as when I have taken them for God's sake alone: on the contrary, I have been in fear about those; but the poor ones have cheered my heart, and it has given me a rejoicing so great that it has made me weep with joy. This is the truth. And then if when the houses had to be bought or built, God helped us even to do this, how should He not afterwards do so, giving us the means of living in them? Believe me, daughters, that whereby you might think to gain, you would lose. When one who comes has money, not having other obligations, as of giving it away to others, because there happens to be no one who needs it, it is well that she should give it you as alms, and I confess that I should think it lack of affection if she did not. But always see that one who enters the convent acts according to the advice of learned men, telling her what will be to the greater service of God: for it would be quite wrong that we should accept the property of anyone who entered, if she did not come for that end. We gain much more by her doing her duty towards God — I mean, doing it more perfectly, than by whatever she might bring in; since we all seek nothing, and may God never give us the opportunity of seeking anything but that His Majesty's will may be done in all and through all.

And although I am wretched and bad, yet for God's honour and glory I say it, and that you may take pleasure in thinking of how these houses were founded — that never in my dealings about them nor in any matter concerning them which presented itself, even if I expected not to succeed at all unless I deviated somewhat from my principle — never would I, nor have I done anything whatsoever (I mean to say in these foundations) which I understood to deviate by one point from the Lord's will, as I understood it from my confessors, (who, ever since I have been engaged in this, have been, as you know, very learned and servants of God): nor that I can remember did it ever come into my mind to do otherwise. Perhaps I am deceiving myself: and I may have done many things which I am not aware of, and my failures doubtless are beyond number. This is known to our Lord, for He is the true judge: I speak of myself so far as I have been able to see. And moreover I see very well that this did not spring from myself, but of God's desiring that this work should be done; and as being His undertaking He was favourable to me and shewed me this mercy. And I say it, daughters, for this purpose — that you may understand your greater obligation, and may know that up to the present these things have been done without doing any wrong to anyone⁶. Blessed be He Who has done it all, and has aroused the charity of the people who have helped us! May it please His Majesty ever to protect us and give us grace, that we may not be ungrateful for so many and great mercies! Amen.

You have already seen, daughters, that some troubles have been gone through, although I think I have only written down the smallest part of them: for if they had to be narrated in detail, it would be a great labour, both the journeys as well as the floods and snow and losing the way, and above all my often being so unwell. Something once befell me — I do not know whether I have mentioned it⁷ — in the first day's journey when we set out from Malagon to Veas. I had fever and so many sicknesses all together that, considering the long distance I had to go and seeing myself so ill, it seemed to remind me of our father Elijah when he was fleeing from Jezebel, and I said, Lord, consider; how can I possibly bear this? And true it is then when His Majesty saw me so weak, suddenly He took from me the fever and the sickness; so much so that until later when I understood it, I thought it must have been because a servant of God, an ecclesiastic, had entered the place: and perhaps it was that; anyhow He took away from me both the outward and inward ills.

In time of health, I went through the bodily labours cheerfully. Then again, it was no little difficulty to accommodate oneself to the dispositions of many people, which had to be done in every place. And I can tell you that, loving my daughters so dearly, it has not been my smallest cross to have to quit them when I went away from one place to another: especially when I thought that I should not return to see them, and I saw their great emotion and weeping: for though they are detached from other things, this detachment God has not given them, may be in order to give me the keener pain. For no more am I detached from them, although I used to find fault with them and put all the force I could on myself not to shew it: but little did it avail me; for the love we bear each other is great, and by many proofs can well be seen to be sincere.

You have also heard how it was not only with the leave of our Most Reverend Father General but under his instructions or command subsequently laid down that these foundations were made: and not only this, but on the foundation of each house he wrote to me that it gave him the greatest satisfaction that such and such a house was founded. And certainly my greatest comfort in these labours was to see the satisfaction it gave him, because I thought that our Lord must be pleased with this, he being my Superior: and I greatly love him, into the bargain.

Whether His Majesty was pleased to give me some repose, or whether the devil was annoyed at so many houses being founded in which our Lord was served. — It could very well be seen not to have been by the wish of our Father General: for when I had besought him, and that, not many years before, not to order me to found any more houses, he had written to me refusing, because, he said, he wished me to found as many as I had hairs on my head. — But before I came away from Seville, there was brought me from a General Chapter which had been held, where one would have thought that what had brought credit to the Order would have been reckoned a service — there was brought me an order made in Chapter, not only that I was to make no more foundations, but also that I was by no means to quit the house which I might choose to live in. Which was a kind of imprisonment: for there are no nuns whom the Provincial cannot order to go from one place to another — I mean from one convent to another, for reasons expedient for the good of the Order. But the worst, and the thing which distressed me, was that our Father General was displeased with me, entirely without cause, but on the reports of prejudiced people. Together with this I was told of two other matters, two very serious accusations which were brought against me.

I tell you, sisters, that you may see the mercy of our Lord, and how His Majesty does not forsake those who desire to serve Him, that this not only did not give me pain, but a joy so unexpected that I could not contain myself; so that I do not wonder at what King David did when he went before the ark of the Lord, for I at that time should have liked to do nothing less, for joy; for I did not know how to keep it in. I do not know why this was; for in great obloquy and opposition in which I have found myself at other times, it has not been so. Moreover, at least one⁸ of the accusations they brought against me was most serious. As for the making no more foundations, if it had not been for the displeasure of the Most Reverend General, it would have been great peace for me, and a thing which I often desired, to end my days in quiet: although those who brought this about did not think this, but imagined that they were causing me the greatest distress in the world. And perhaps they had other good intentions.

At other times also I have received pleasure from the great oppositions and gainsayings which I have met with in going to make foundations, some with a good intention, some with other aims. But such great gladness as I felt in this, I never remember to have felt in any other trouble that has come upon me: for I confess that, at some other time, any one of the three things which came upon me all together would have been trouble enough for me. I believe my chief joy was in thinking that, since creatures rewarded me thus, the Creator was pleased with me. For I do understand that anyone who finds his happiness in earthly things or the sayings and praises of men is greatly deceived, let alone the little profit there is in them: to-day they think one thing, to-morrow another; what they speak well of at one time, they quickly change and speak evil of. Blessed be Thou, my God and Lord, Who art for ever immutable! Amen. He who will serve Thee to the end shall live without end in Thine eternity.

As I said at the beginning, I began to write the account of these foundations by order of the Father Master Ripalda of the Company of Jesus, who was at that time Rector of the College at Salamanca and heard my Confessions. While I was in the Convent of the glorious St Joseph at Salamanca, I wrote some of them. Then with my many occupations I had let it drop, and did not want to go on with it: because, being away in different places, I was no longer making my Confessions to Father Ripalda, and also because of the great toil and trouble which what I have written costs me; although I consider that well bestowed, as it has always been commanded me under obedience. When I had quite determined not to go on, Master Fray Gerónimo Gracian of the Mother of God, who is at this present time Father Apostolic Commissary, ordered me to finish them.

I told him how little leisure I had, and other things which came into my mind to say — for I spoke as one shockingly poor in obedience: because this writing fatigued me greatly on the top of other things which I had to do. For all that, he told me to finish them little by little, or as best I could. So I have done it, submitting it entirely to those who are of understanding, that they may cross out what is wrongly said. For it may be that what seems to me the best may be wrong. I have finished to-day, the Eve of Saint Eugenius, the fourteenth of November, 1576, in the Convent of St Joseph at Toledo, where I now am living by order of Master Fray Gerónimo Gracian of the Mother of God, Father Apostolic Commissary, whom we now have as Superior of the Barefoot monks and nuns of the primitive Rule, being also Visitor of the monks of the mitigated Rule in Andalusia, to the glory and honour of our Lord Jesus Christ, who reigns and shall reign for ever. Amen.

For the love of the Lord I beseech the Brothers and Sisters who shall read this to commend me to our Lord, that He may have mercy on me and deliver me from the torments of purgatory, and may permit me to enjoy Him, if I may attain to dwell in Him: that, since during my lifetime you are not to see this, after my death I may in some way profit by the toil this has given me, and by my great desire in writing it to succeed in saying something which may help you, if it is thought fit that you should read it.

Footnotes

1. In St Theresa's MS. there is a blank left for the surname [de Otalora], which she could not remember. ↩

2. His daughter's name (for daughters did not always bear the same name as their father) was Francisca de Cuellar, afterwards Sister Francisca of the Cross. ↩

3. In his Life of St Theresa, Father Julian of Avila describes at great length their misfortunes on the journey. Their guide was drunk, and Father Julian tried to instruct him in Christian doctrine, which muddled him the more, and he led them wrong. ↩

4. [Torno. A revolving shutter with a floor on which things could be placed and conveyed from without to within and within to without, while those who thus delivered them could not see each other. Tr.] ↩

5. [The Circumcision. Tr.] T. F. 13 ↩

6. [It may be worth reminding ourselves that current morality in Spain in the 16th century differed considerably from ours now. And, as St Theresa says above, in doubtful matters she left decisions to whatever " learned servant of God," secular, Jesuit, Dominican, or Carmelite, happened to be her confessor at the time. Tr.] ↩

7. It is not mentioned in eh. xxii, where it belongs. This shews how rapidly and simply St Theresa wrote: for she did not revise her writing. ↩

8. One was the manner of her return journey from Seville. Her brother Lorenzo took her, and the comfort and state in which he caused her to travel was made a reproach against her. [She was also accused of heresy. Tr.] ↩